The following was written about a year ago. Somehow, it got archived and not posted. It's still pertinent for me today, so I am posting it now.
When you are in relationship with someone, you talk. I have about a 40 minute drive to work every day and that's when I spend intense time in relationship with God. Sometimes, my conversation is with Holy Spirit and sometimes Jesus, but most of the time it's the one I affectionately call "Daddy" who chats with me on my way to and from work.
I feel like most people have some kind of conversation with God at some point in their lives. I know lots and lots of people "pray". I wonder if their prayer looks like a shopping list they park on the doorstep of heaven, or if it's a time of begging and pleading during whatever crisis they are going through. I have a feeling that it's a crap shoot for many. A time to ask questions and wonder if anyone out there hears them. For me... my relationship with Daddy took time to develop. Even getting to a point of calling Him Daddy was through He and I spending lots of time going over my past religious views I had of Him and buffing off the rough edges I had developed. I'm happy to say that our conversations are no longer one sided. I have learned to listen, as well as talk, in the time we spend together.
The other day, I was having one of those days where my spirit was churning. For me, it is a nervous feeling that seems to have no source of entry I can pinpoint. I got in the car and asked Daddy, "Who am I?" There was silence. When I hear nothing in return, I rephrase the question. "How do you see me?" Immediately, I had thoughts flow through my mind about conversations I've had with Him in the past. I was reminded of all the places He has taken me through and all the things that He showed me that I am, but still my spirit felt uneasy. "Who am I today? How do you see me today?" Bingo! There was the right question. I heard, "You are a seer and a hearer."
This might be a good time to explain what "heard" looks like. When God created me, he created a special place inside of me where my heart and mind connect. Often times, people refer to this place as our imagination. Christians often see it as a dangerous place to hang out, but those without that religious upbringing can utilize that place easily and tap into all the creativity of the One who made them. This is where I hear The Trinity when He speaks. My spirit knows how to connect with Trinity, and my imagination puts pictures to what my spirit is picking up. The video that plays through my mind, through the pictures my imagination has created, from what my spirit is sensing is what I call "hearing". Maybe I should call it "seeing".
This brings me back to what I felt Daddy was saying to me, "You are a seer and a hearer." When I hear a statement like that, from the One who created everything, I know that is not only a fact, but an invitation. He's telling me how He sees me because He's inviting me to go on a journey. When the creator of the universe lets you know what He sees in you, He's also letting you know what He created in you. If He put it in you, it serves a purpose. To find the purpose, you go on a journey of discovery with Him. He never takes you someplace He hasn't already prepared you to go. If He's leading the journey, then I know it's safe to follow. This is one of the places we call M.O.R.E. (Moving Out Radically Encountered, Moving Out Responsibly Equipped, and Moving Out Relationally Encouraged... any way you look at it, you're "moving out"!). The question remains, do I want to go or am I satisfied remaining status quo? If you know me at all, you know I'm an adventure girl. I want to go!
So, where are we going and why? Those are questions that remain unanswered at this point. Apparently, they aren't important right now. What was important was what He said, "You are a seer and a hearer." These are the words I'll need to keep in mind and refer back to every step I take into the unknown. These words become the anchor He's given me to keep me from feeling like I've just stepped off the edge of a cliff. These are the phrases that let me know He has something He's intentionally partnering with me in.
The churning in my spirit has now become more of an excitement. I now know that today is the beginning of something new.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Monday, March 6, 2017
Movies, Christians and Hollywood... Oh my!
The fun thing about a blog is that you get to share your own opinion and get things off your chest. I highly recommend blogging for anyone with convictions and something to proclaim. That having been said, although I love sharing my perspective and opinions with the world, I try to keep in mind that they are just that... MY perspective and opinions. Just because they're mine, it doesn't mean they are right. They are just my view of life, as I see it.
This weekend, I went to see a couple of new movies. One was "The Great Wall" with Matt Damon (from Bourne Identity). The other was "The Shack" with Tim McGraw (Country singer) and Sam Worthington (from Avatar). I posted, on social media, about both and was surprised at the reactions that arose.
The Great Wall was a fantasy movie. It depicted a legend involving the Great Wall of China. When I posted about it I received the typical questions, "Did you like it?" "Can you give a review?" People wanted a general idea if it was entertaining enough to warrant spending their hard earned money on this kind of relaxation.
The Shack was a fictional movie about one person's idea of what an encounter with The Trinity (God the Father, God the Son, and God The Holy Spirit) would be like to a person who had been severely injured by life's experiences. I would have thought that people looking for a hopeful movie, leaving one feeling good, would really enjoy this movie. I know I did. What I found, instead, was a very strange backlash from particular sects of the Christian community. The very community that criticizes Hollywood for leaving God out of everything. This activity is really bothering me. Mostly because it sends out mixed messages about Christians in general. Now, back to my rant.
The Shack won the 2009 Dove Award from The Evangelical Christian Publisher's Association. The proclamations of some Christians calling it heresy is confusing to me. The author, himself, says it's a book about, "the house you build out of your own pain". He never says it's a replacement to the Bible or for people's own theology. He's just sharing his own perspective of the road leading from tragedy to hope.
I think the main issue some Christians have with the movie is that God is portrayed as a sweet black lady (played by Oscar Nominee Octavia Spencer). God is also portrayed as a male "Father" later in the film (by Canadian Indian Graham Greene). To say that God is either male or female could be an issue, because He is neither. He is God. To say He has neither characteristic would be inaccurate too since He made us both male and female, "In His Image". To focus on this point and say the book is heresy makes me think some have missed the forest because of all the trees. They totally missed the point of the book and the author's illustration of a Father's love. The role is depicted this way because the main character has "father issues" (both with his dad and with himself) and would not be able to accept anything coming from a typical father. This is further explained in the movie.
There are other issues sited in the infamous "heresy" controversies, but they all boil down to the same thing. People want a movie about God to be portrayed through their own personal viewpoint and perspective. They want it to line up with their own interpretation of the Bible and to be consistent with their current theology. If they are walking close with The Trinity, they want movies to ecco their most recent revelations. This movie is not meant to be a replacement for The Bible or a Theological depiction. It's entertainment. It's one man's story to tell and who has the right to judge or criticize his heart and feelings?
My husband and I laughed, we cried and we left the theater feeling loved and good. Isn't that what we've been begging Hollywood to do for quite some time? Therefore, it is my PERSONAL OPINION that Hollywood is doing a good job and that I have been thoroughly entertained this weekend!
This weekend, I went to see a couple of new movies. One was "The Great Wall" with Matt Damon (from Bourne Identity). The other was "The Shack" with Tim McGraw (Country singer) and Sam Worthington (from Avatar). I posted, on social media, about both and was surprised at the reactions that arose.
The Great Wall was a fantasy movie. It depicted a legend involving the Great Wall of China. When I posted about it I received the typical questions, "Did you like it?" "Can you give a review?" People wanted a general idea if it was entertaining enough to warrant spending their hard earned money on this kind of relaxation.
The Shack was a fictional movie about one person's idea of what an encounter with The Trinity (God the Father, God the Son, and God The Holy Spirit) would be like to a person who had been severely injured by life's experiences. I would have thought that people looking for a hopeful movie, leaving one feeling good, would really enjoy this movie. I know I did. What I found, instead, was a very strange backlash from particular sects of the Christian community. The very community that criticizes Hollywood for leaving God out of everything. This activity is really bothering me. Mostly because it sends out mixed messages about Christians in general. Now, back to my rant.
The Shack won the 2009 Dove Award from The Evangelical Christian Publisher's Association. The proclamations of some Christians calling it heresy is confusing to me. The author, himself, says it's a book about, "the house you build out of your own pain". He never says it's a replacement to the Bible or for people's own theology. He's just sharing his own perspective of the road leading from tragedy to hope.
I think the main issue some Christians have with the movie is that God is portrayed as a sweet black lady (played by Oscar Nominee Octavia Spencer). God is also portrayed as a male "Father" later in the film (by Canadian Indian Graham Greene). To say that God is either male or female could be an issue, because He is neither. He is God. To say He has neither characteristic would be inaccurate too since He made us both male and female, "In His Image". To focus on this point and say the book is heresy makes me think some have missed the forest because of all the trees. They totally missed the point of the book and the author's illustration of a Father's love. The role is depicted this way because the main character has "father issues" (both with his dad and with himself) and would not be able to accept anything coming from a typical father. This is further explained in the movie.
There are other issues sited in the infamous "heresy" controversies, but they all boil down to the same thing. People want a movie about God to be portrayed through their own personal viewpoint and perspective. They want it to line up with their own interpretation of the Bible and to be consistent with their current theology. If they are walking close with The Trinity, they want movies to ecco their most recent revelations. This movie is not meant to be a replacement for The Bible or a Theological depiction. It's entertainment. It's one man's story to tell and who has the right to judge or criticize his heart and feelings?
My husband and I laughed, we cried and we left the theater feeling loved and good. Isn't that what we've been begging Hollywood to do for quite some time? Therefore, it is my PERSONAL OPINION that Hollywood is doing a good job and that I have been thoroughly entertained this weekend!
Monday, February 20, 2017
Re-inventing A Life
Well... we made it! We have traveled close to 3,000 miles from the mountains of Central California to the rolling hills of Tallahassee Florida, and are settling nicely into our new lives. For those of you who were disconnected from us during this process, let me catch you up on the details of our new adventure. It all began with a thought... What are we doing here?!?
Jeff and I spend a lot of time running ideas, thoughts and speculations past each other. One day we were looking back over our recent past and began to question where we were going. Our daughter Tiffany, who had consumed so much of our time and energy for the past 30 years, was no longer with us. In fact, she had been gone for more than 2 years, yet our lives really hadn't really changed much. We were so in the habit of our everyday existence that we were beginning to let time just slip by unnoticed. That's when we asked the question, "What are we doing here?!?"
I believe that every adventure begins with a compelling thought. Questions like, "Are there better opportunities over seas in America?" "Is finding gold in California worth the risk of exploring unknown territory?" "What do you suppose lies beyond our atmosphere?" These are all ideas that crossed the minds of those unique individuals with pioneering hearts. That is one thing Jeff and I have in common. We are both pioneers, not settlers. For us, to risk the unknown is worth every moment. We love seeing what's just beyond the next ridge, and what opportunities will present new ways for us to become creative conquerors. We will not become status quo and fade away quietly. We want to boldly move forward and make the most of the second half of our lives.
So, that's where it all started.
Next began a journey with God regarding purpose and destiny. I love that God is very creative with His answers. Just because He said, "Turn left," the last time we spoke doesn't mean He will respond the same way in our next conversation. Jeff began asking God the question, "Where should we go?" The answer was clear, "Where would you like to go? I will be there!" Jeff felt like his heart was being drawn to the South and he began applying for jobs meeting that criteria.
For me, I spent time with God like a child would her Daddy. I would just ask if I could crawl up in His lap and watch what He was about to do. It was a very precious time. God would gently show me things from His perspective that I couldn't see from my own. He pointed out all the needs He had met for me and the ones He was now meeting for Jeff. Our time together made me realize that I had no agenda in this next chapter. I was just excited to be along for the ride.
Time passed slowly as work in Auberry came to a close. We began consolidating our possessions and purging all the "junk" we had managed to accumulate. Our kids, Jimmy and Cody, were a great help to us in this process. They suggested we create three piles: One to keep, one to sell, and one to give away. They advised us to go through the piles weekly, moving more and more items from the first pile into one of the other two. This was the best advice ever! In the end, all we owned fit easily into a tiny U-haul trailer, making it easy to travel from one side of the nation to the other. Jeff eventually received three job offers and chose to accept a teaching position at a re-entry center close to Tallahassee, Florida. Our destination now became clear.
Selling Abu Peak was the biggest hurdle we faced. We received an "all cash" offer within the first 10 days, but it fell out of escrow when the buyers realized they couldn't face living in a home where someone had died. They had no idea how special that moment had been for us with Tiffany. Whatever fear they were dealing with had stolen their dream from them. This also created obstacles in our adventure, but none of it surprised God. So in the late afternoon on January 28, tired from packing and battling bronchitis, we set off to parts unknown.
Here I sit, three weeks later, in a small apartment in the city of Tallahassee, sharing my story with you. The travel was fun. Finding a place to land, not so much. Exploring our new area and dreaming of creative things to do together... priceless! We still have no idea how God will use us in this area, but we cling to His promise to do so. Abu Peak still hasn't sold, but it will. For now we're just two, happy, middle aged people feeling energized like a couple of college kids setting out to conquer the world... together.
Jeff and I spend a lot of time running ideas, thoughts and speculations past each other. One day we were looking back over our recent past and began to question where we were going. Our daughter Tiffany, who had consumed so much of our time and energy for the past 30 years, was no longer with us. In fact, she had been gone for more than 2 years, yet our lives really hadn't really changed much. We were so in the habit of our everyday existence that we were beginning to let time just slip by unnoticed. That's when we asked the question, "What are we doing here?!?"
I believe that every adventure begins with a compelling thought. Questions like, "Are there better opportunities over seas in America?" "Is finding gold in California worth the risk of exploring unknown territory?" "What do you suppose lies beyond our atmosphere?" These are all ideas that crossed the minds of those unique individuals with pioneering hearts. That is one thing Jeff and I have in common. We are both pioneers, not settlers. For us, to risk the unknown is worth every moment. We love seeing what's just beyond the next ridge, and what opportunities will present new ways for us to become creative conquerors. We will not become status quo and fade away quietly. We want to boldly move forward and make the most of the second half of our lives.
So, that's where it all started.
Next began a journey with God regarding purpose and destiny. I love that God is very creative with His answers. Just because He said, "Turn left," the last time we spoke doesn't mean He will respond the same way in our next conversation. Jeff began asking God the question, "Where should we go?" The answer was clear, "Where would you like to go? I will be there!" Jeff felt like his heart was being drawn to the South and he began applying for jobs meeting that criteria.
For me, I spent time with God like a child would her Daddy. I would just ask if I could crawl up in His lap and watch what He was about to do. It was a very precious time. God would gently show me things from His perspective that I couldn't see from my own. He pointed out all the needs He had met for me and the ones He was now meeting for Jeff. Our time together made me realize that I had no agenda in this next chapter. I was just excited to be along for the ride.
Time passed slowly as work in Auberry came to a close. We began consolidating our possessions and purging all the "junk" we had managed to accumulate. Our kids, Jimmy and Cody, were a great help to us in this process. They suggested we create three piles: One to keep, one to sell, and one to give away. They advised us to go through the piles weekly, moving more and more items from the first pile into one of the other two. This was the best advice ever! In the end, all we owned fit easily into a tiny U-haul trailer, making it easy to travel from one side of the nation to the other. Jeff eventually received three job offers and chose to accept a teaching position at a re-entry center close to Tallahassee, Florida. Our destination now became clear.
Selling Abu Peak was the biggest hurdle we faced. We received an "all cash" offer within the first 10 days, but it fell out of escrow when the buyers realized they couldn't face living in a home where someone had died. They had no idea how special that moment had been for us with Tiffany. Whatever fear they were dealing with had stolen their dream from them. This also created obstacles in our adventure, but none of it surprised God. So in the late afternoon on January 28, tired from packing and battling bronchitis, we set off to parts unknown.
Here I sit, three weeks later, in a small apartment in the city of Tallahassee, sharing my story with you. The travel was fun. Finding a place to land, not so much. Exploring our new area and dreaming of creative things to do together... priceless! We still have no idea how God will use us in this area, but we cling to His promise to do so. Abu Peak still hasn't sold, but it will. For now we're just two, happy, middle aged people feeling energized like a couple of college kids setting out to conquer the world... together.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Just Being Honest
These are the days that test everything I think I know about God... Does He really care or even see me? Does He have great plans for me or does He give me just enough to get by? Am I really big enough to get in His way and mess up all He has in store for me? These are the moments when I compare my journey to Moses facing Pharaoh and demanding that he "Let God's people go" with not only everything they possessed, but also with all the spoils of Egypt as well. These are the situations that stretch the fabric of my faith to the point of tearing. What do I really believe?
Here we are, getting ready to move across the entire nation with no travel route planned and no place to settle when we get there. We have nothing more than a couple of chairs, a bed and a job waiting in unfamiliar territory. Up to this point, all of this looked like one big adventure. Tonight it feels like we're facing the fiery furnace. We've come too far to turn back and are precariously balanced on each step forward. Nothing seems certain, each spot we place our feet feels as if it could be our last. I lay awake at night wondering if I'm now too old to appreciate a good adventure or am I just too tired to see the light at the end of the tunnel? I suppose time alone will tell.
What ever happened to testimony? Where are the stories, from this generation, of the big, big God we sing about? Have we become so self sufficient that we've worked miracles right out of the picture? Have we pulled away so far that God can no longer even find us?
Lately I've been seeing the number 111 all over the place. Jeff mentioned that his phone displayed that number as he read to me another counter offer we received on our house. The offer was incredibly low and broke my heart. I went into my bedroom and cried out to God (not in a noble way, but more resembling a kid throwing a tantrum). When I finished, several minutes later, I looked something up on my phone and noticed it said the same thing... 111. Usually, mine and Jeff's phones display the exact same time at the exact same moments. This time, they seemed to be several minutes off. Tonight I looked up Psalm 111 to see what it said. Here is the revised standard version...
Here we are, getting ready to move across the entire nation with no travel route planned and no place to settle when we get there. We have nothing more than a couple of chairs, a bed and a job waiting in unfamiliar territory. Up to this point, all of this looked like one big adventure. Tonight it feels like we're facing the fiery furnace. We've come too far to turn back and are precariously balanced on each step forward. Nothing seems certain, each spot we place our feet feels as if it could be our last. I lay awake at night wondering if I'm now too old to appreciate a good adventure or am I just too tired to see the light at the end of the tunnel? I suppose time alone will tell.
What ever happened to testimony? Where are the stories, from this generation, of the big, big God we sing about? Have we become so self sufficient that we've worked miracles right out of the picture? Have we pulled away so far that God can no longer even find us?
Lately I've been seeing the number 111 all over the place. Jeff mentioned that his phone displayed that number as he read to me another counter offer we received on our house. The offer was incredibly low and broke my heart. I went into my bedroom and cried out to God (not in a noble way, but more resembling a kid throwing a tantrum). When I finished, several minutes later, I looked something up on my phone and noticed it said the same thing... 111. Usually, mine and Jeff's phones display the exact same time at the exact same moments. This time, they seemed to be several minutes off. Tonight I looked up Psalm 111 to see what it said. Here is the revised standard version...
Psalm 111 ~ Praise the Lord!
I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart,
in the company of the upright, in the congregation.
2 Great are the works of the Lord,
studied by all who have pleasure in them.
3 Full of honor and majesty is his work,
and his righteousness endures for ever.
4 He has caused his wonderful works to be remembered;
the Lord is gracious and merciful.
5 He provides food for those who fear him;
he is ever mindful of his covenant.
6 He has shown his people the power of his works,
in giving them the heritage of the nations.
7 The works of his hands are faithful and just;
all his precepts are trustworthy,
8 they are established for ever and ever,
to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness.
9 He sent redemption to his people;
he has commanded his covenant for ever.
Holy and terrible is his name!
10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
a good understanding have all those who practice it.
His praise endures for ever!
I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart,
in the company of the upright, in the congregation.
2 Great are the works of the Lord,
studied by all who have pleasure in them.
3 Full of honor and majesty is his work,
and his righteousness endures for ever.
4 He has caused his wonderful works to be remembered;
the Lord is gracious and merciful.
5 He provides food for those who fear him;
he is ever mindful of his covenant.
6 He has shown his people the power of his works,
in giving them the heritage of the nations.
7 The works of his hands are faithful and just;
all his precepts are trustworthy,
8 they are established for ever and ever,
to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness.
9 He sent redemption to his people;
he has commanded his covenant for ever.
Holy and terrible is his name!
10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
a good understanding have all those who practice it.
His praise endures for ever!
A friend who stopped by mentioned that she was envious and excited too see the life we were about to embark on. Adventure often looks different to those watching on the outside then it does to those experiencing it. As I prepare myself for the journey, I'm reminded of the verse, "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen (Hebrews 11:1)." There it is again... 111.
As I stated earlier, I'm at the point of no return. All I can say is the same thing Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed′nego said when about to be thrown into the furnace... "My God can save us. My God will save us, but if He doesn't, He is still God!"
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
A Song
Dear God...
Was it your plan when my daughter died?
Did you know a part of me down deep inside;
Left this earth as I held her tight;
And she took her last breath?
Were you aware of all my tears;
And how I lost so many years;
As I watch my love give in to fears?
How do I carry on?
**Your good book says you came to bring me life.
But every thing that causes me such strife
Takes a piece of my heart and a bit of me dies.
I must admit I don't understand.
How can you watch from far away;
And see me go on from day to day;
When so much turmoil gets in the way;
And I lose my breath.
I need to hear a Father's heart;
When everything tears me apart.
Convince me I'm your greatest art;
So no more of me dies.
**Your good book says you came to bring me life.
But every thing that causes me such strife
Takes a piece of my heart and a bit of me dies.
I must admit I don't understand.
When my tears had all been spent
And to His voice I could relent
He whispered sweetly as He said,
"Yes, a part of you died."
"Those things you mentioned aren't my will
But I can work within them still.
To make room for me to fill
You with all I have for you..."
"A part of you must die.
But not the best part." 😊
Was it your plan when my daughter died?
Did you know a part of me down deep inside;
Left this earth as I held her tight;
And she took her last breath?
Were you aware of all my tears;
And how I lost so many years;
As I watch my love give in to fears?
How do I carry on?
**Your good book says you came to bring me life.
But every thing that causes me such strife
Takes a piece of my heart and a bit of me dies.
I must admit I don't understand.
How can you watch from far away;
And see me go on from day to day;
When so much turmoil gets in the way;
And I lose my breath.
I need to hear a Father's heart;
When everything tears me apart.
Convince me I'm your greatest art;
So no more of me dies.
**Your good book says you came to bring me life.
But every thing that causes me such strife
Takes a piece of my heart and a bit of me dies.
I must admit I don't understand.
When my tears had all been spent
And to His voice I could relent
He whispered sweetly as He said,
"Yes, a part of you died."
"Those things you mentioned aren't my will
But I can work within them still.
To make room for me to fill
You with all I have for you..."
"A part of you must die.
But not the best part." 😊
Friday, November 11, 2016
Passion After The Election
Last Tuesday, America voted. We voted in the same manner we have voted for many years.
Last Tuesday, America decided. We decided on a new leader for our country in the same manner we have decided for many years.
Last Wednesday, America erupted. Now... this is new. This year we handled the "day after" in a completely different manner than we have done so for many years.
I have never seen the country so passionate. This is a good thing. The way we're handling it... not so good. The outbursts we're seeing may be due to our lack of experience in even being passionate. America is built on hopes and dreams. We have created a 3 branches of government so that we never have a hierarchy or one person in charge. We vote to pass laws to protect and govern the foundations that we build for the good of everyone here. We ban together against common enemies and work to protect those that can't protect themselves. We are a pretty amazing and smart group of individuals. So what do you do with all these thoughts and feelings you're going through? You figure out a way to use your passion constructively.
When I'm excited about something, I usually set out to show others how good, encouraging or wonderful my ideas are. I'm not in the habit of telling the person, I'm trying to convince, how wrong or stupid they are for not agreeing with me. I don't want them to become afraid of me or my ideas. That would be silly. They may have their own opinions, but my purpose is to get them to want to join in with me. I try to present my ideas in a manner that attracts their attention and support. The last thing I want to do is drive the other person further away.
If you're frustrated with the way things are here, get involved. Change the law if need be. Share with people your great ideas in honorable and encouraging ways. Attract the people and resources you need to make a change. Just remember, we are all Americans. This is our country and our new president. Individually, we can be very powerful and effective, but together we can be amazing... for the good of all.
Last Tuesday, America decided. We decided on a new leader for our country in the same manner we have decided for many years.
Last Wednesday, America erupted. Now... this is new. This year we handled the "day after" in a completely different manner than we have done so for many years.
I have never seen the country so passionate. This is a good thing. The way we're handling it... not so good. The outbursts we're seeing may be due to our lack of experience in even being passionate. America is built on hopes and dreams. We have created a 3 branches of government so that we never have a hierarchy or one person in charge. We vote to pass laws to protect and govern the foundations that we build for the good of everyone here. We ban together against common enemies and work to protect those that can't protect themselves. We are a pretty amazing and smart group of individuals. So what do you do with all these thoughts and feelings you're going through? You figure out a way to use your passion constructively.
When I'm excited about something, I usually set out to show others how good, encouraging or wonderful my ideas are. I'm not in the habit of telling the person, I'm trying to convince, how wrong or stupid they are for not agreeing with me. I don't want them to become afraid of me or my ideas. That would be silly. They may have their own opinions, but my purpose is to get them to want to join in with me. I try to present my ideas in a manner that attracts their attention and support. The last thing I want to do is drive the other person further away.
If you're frustrated with the way things are here, get involved. Change the law if need be. Share with people your great ideas in honorable and encouraging ways. Attract the people and resources you need to make a change. Just remember, we are all Americans. This is our country and our new president. Individually, we can be very powerful and effective, but together we can be amazing... for the good of all.
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Who The Heck Is Huldah?!?
I began a new class today. The homework assignment was: "Study one old testament prophet. What did you learn?" I wanted to find someone I hadn't heard of (which was hard) or someone I had just skimmed over (which was much easier) when reading before. I found Huldah the prophetess. Hold on to your hats ladies... this woman rocked my world!
Huldah had a day job. She was The Keeper of the Wardrobe. Not much is said about whose wardrobe she kept, but this research really brought her out of the closet for me! She lived during the reign of King Josiah who had a heart for God and His law. She also lived at the same time as Zephaniah, Nahum and Jeremiah who were all prominent prophets... and all very connected to the king.
The story goes... One day, the high priest Hilkiah found a scroll while looking for money in The House of The Lord. Don't worry, it was all for a worthy cause. In short, the priest took the scroll to the King, the King read it and tore his clothes in response to what it said. Then the King sent the priest, the secretary of state, the king's servant and two other guys out to "Inquire of The Lord" if the words were indeed true. The band decided to look for a prophet (one who hears from, and speaks for, God) to authenticate the written word.
Let's just stop and look at that for a minute. The priest takes the information to the king for validation. The king gives it back and sends the priest (and a band of prominent men) out to find validation. If the priest and a king can't validate an apparent law that was written on a scroll... where on earth would they go? I think it's interesting where they didn't go. They didn't go to Zephaniah, Nahum or Jeremiah who had already been working with the king on similar issues. Instead, they went to the woman working in some closet as the keeper of the wardrobe.
Ladies, don't ever think that your current task is too menial or that you are too hidden for the God of the universe to use you. Now, back to the story...
Huldah validates the text, says it's from the God of Israel and reassures the king that he's on the right track. The people have provoked God, but Josiah will die in peace. These were all parts I had read before and TOTALLY missed the best parts!... Huldah was the first person ever entrusted to validate a scroll and then declare it to be "The Word of The Lord." Is this not the beginning of the Bible as we know it? After digging further into history, it is said that the place she lived "The Second Quarter" may be in reference to an academy she opened and lived at. If the clues are correct... m-sh-n-h means Second or Repeat. The Mishnah is the study by repetition and is the first major written Oral Torah. This would mean that her school had not only survived, but became the basis of learning for future rabbis. All this from a woman working as The Keeper of the Wardrobe.
My homework, which began as a concentrated effort to learn something new, resulted in opening a part of my identity which has been tucked away safely in a closet. I LOVE discovering powerful women who have not yet uncovered who they truly are. I love digging for the gold in their lives. I get so excited when true value is unearthed and created identity is unleashed. I'm having such a good time, I can't wait for my next homework assignment!
*Notes: For more information on this class, go to http://www.emergingprophets.com
For Huldah's entire story, go to 2 Kings 22 and 2 Chronicles 34:14-33
For the historical reference, see Assertive Biblical Women by William E. Phipps
Huldah had a day job. She was The Keeper of the Wardrobe. Not much is said about whose wardrobe she kept, but this research really brought her out of the closet for me! She lived during the reign of King Josiah who had a heart for God and His law. She also lived at the same time as Zephaniah, Nahum and Jeremiah who were all prominent prophets... and all very connected to the king.
The story goes... One day, the high priest Hilkiah found a scroll while looking for money in The House of The Lord. Don't worry, it was all for a worthy cause. In short, the priest took the scroll to the King, the King read it and tore his clothes in response to what it said. Then the King sent the priest, the secretary of state, the king's servant and two other guys out to "Inquire of The Lord" if the words were indeed true. The band decided to look for a prophet (one who hears from, and speaks for, God) to authenticate the written word.
Let's just stop and look at that for a minute. The priest takes the information to the king for validation. The king gives it back and sends the priest (and a band of prominent men) out to find validation. If the priest and a king can't validate an apparent law that was written on a scroll... where on earth would they go? I think it's interesting where they didn't go. They didn't go to Zephaniah, Nahum or Jeremiah who had already been working with the king on similar issues. Instead, they went to the woman working in some closet as the keeper of the wardrobe.
Ladies, don't ever think that your current task is too menial or that you are too hidden for the God of the universe to use you. Now, back to the story...
Huldah validates the text, says it's from the God of Israel and reassures the king that he's on the right track. The people have provoked God, but Josiah will die in peace. These were all parts I had read before and TOTALLY missed the best parts!... Huldah was the first person ever entrusted to validate a scroll and then declare it to be "The Word of The Lord." Is this not the beginning of the Bible as we know it? After digging further into history, it is said that the place she lived "The Second Quarter" may be in reference to an academy she opened and lived at. If the clues are correct... m-sh-n-h means Second or Repeat. The Mishnah is the study by repetition and is the first major written Oral Torah. This would mean that her school had not only survived, but became the basis of learning for future rabbis. All this from a woman working as The Keeper of the Wardrobe.
My homework, which began as a concentrated effort to learn something new, resulted in opening a part of my identity which has been tucked away safely in a closet. I LOVE discovering powerful women who have not yet uncovered who they truly are. I love digging for the gold in their lives. I get so excited when true value is unearthed and created identity is unleashed. I'm having such a good time, I can't wait for my next homework assignment!
*Notes: For more information on this class, go to http://www.emergingprophets.com
For Huldah's entire story, go to 2 Kings 22 and 2 Chronicles 34:14-33
For the historical reference, see Assertive Biblical Women by William E. Phipps
Friday, October 14, 2016
Words are Powerful
This morning I pulled out one of my old Bibles, because I was looking for some verses I had been praying over someone a long time ago. In the front, I have blank pages where I often write down things that are very important to me at the time I am using that particular Bible. I ran across the following:
Epitaph ~
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a beautiful child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because I have lived...
This is to succeed!
This must have been a poem I read years ago and decided that this would be such a part of my life, that I would want it read at my funeral. At the time, I'm sure it was an aspiration, something I had not yet acquired, but spoke deeply to my spirit. Today I look at it and realized how much these simple words had become a sort of map or vision as to how I wanted to live my life and be known. Today, I see that much of it is who I now am.
Words... They may seem flippant and easily forgotten. I believe that as a Christian, as a daughter of the creator of the universe, that my words are not only important, but they are powerful. They can change atmospheres, circumstances and lives. When I speak, as the daughter of the king, my words go out into the universe... into the 2nd heaven, and things begin to change. My words carry power and authority.
The above poem was a great things to be speaking over my own life, but how often have I spoken curses... words of destruction over myself and others. If my positive words carry power, then so do my negative words.
I've recently heard that in heaven, there is a courtroom. The "accuser" visits often and presents to God (the judge) every powerfully destructive word I have ever spoken. The judge, being also my father, has given me authority and a free will to use words either as a weapon for good or for destruction. He also stands behind his decision to let me live with the consequence of that power. When I join with the enemy and choose his way over the way of my father, then I have made a contract that can't easily be broken. I am bound by that contract.
There is one other person in that courtroom. Jesus stands in as my defense. He offers me an opportunity to break the contract, with the enemy, and then he covers it with his own life... his blood... a sacrifice in payment for the punishment I deserve. The judge accepts this act as "payment in full" and throws the case out of court.
In the above scenario, I have a part to play. I have to boldly go to the throne room. I have to be willing to stand before the judge, my father, knowing that I have chosen someone over him. I have to then ask for forgiveness, break the contract with the enemy, and let Jesus defend me with his own life. This is hard and heartbreaking to do, but in the end... I am free! My father takes nothing from me. I still retain all the power and authority He had originally given me, but now I am sent out to do it differently. I am sent out, once again, to change atmospheres, circumstances and lives... for the better. This is what it is to be a Christian.
Epitaph ~
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a beautiful child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because I have lived...
This is to succeed!
This must have been a poem I read years ago and decided that this would be such a part of my life, that I would want it read at my funeral. At the time, I'm sure it was an aspiration, something I had not yet acquired, but spoke deeply to my spirit. Today I look at it and realized how much these simple words had become a sort of map or vision as to how I wanted to live my life and be known. Today, I see that much of it is who I now am.
Words... They may seem flippant and easily forgotten. I believe that as a Christian, as a daughter of the creator of the universe, that my words are not only important, but they are powerful. They can change atmospheres, circumstances and lives. When I speak, as the daughter of the king, my words go out into the universe... into the 2nd heaven, and things begin to change. My words carry power and authority.
The above poem was a great things to be speaking over my own life, but how often have I spoken curses... words of destruction over myself and others. If my positive words carry power, then so do my negative words.
I've recently heard that in heaven, there is a courtroom. The "accuser" visits often and presents to God (the judge) every powerfully destructive word I have ever spoken. The judge, being also my father, has given me authority and a free will to use words either as a weapon for good or for destruction. He also stands behind his decision to let me live with the consequence of that power. When I join with the enemy and choose his way over the way of my father, then I have made a contract that can't easily be broken. I am bound by that contract.
There is one other person in that courtroom. Jesus stands in as my defense. He offers me an opportunity to break the contract, with the enemy, and then he covers it with his own life... his blood... a sacrifice in payment for the punishment I deserve. The judge accepts this act as "payment in full" and throws the case out of court.
In the above scenario, I have a part to play. I have to boldly go to the throne room. I have to be willing to stand before the judge, my father, knowing that I have chosen someone over him. I have to then ask for forgiveness, break the contract with the enemy, and let Jesus defend me with his own life. This is hard and heartbreaking to do, but in the end... I am free! My father takes nothing from me. I still retain all the power and authority He had originally given me, but now I am sent out to do it differently. I am sent out, once again, to change atmospheres, circumstances and lives... for the better. This is what it is to be a Christian.
Friday, September 23, 2016
Guardian Angel Vlog on You Tube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-f1jmhIWJg&list=PLNdJBE7lI0Y_pAqCxHwqLlNsWoDXDLyh1
Thursday, September 1, 2016
The Cure For Getting Old
When I went through counseling to become a Certified Christian Counselor, I learned that when you reach your mid-fifties you go through a transformation. You become something quite different than you were when you were young. A lot of people call this a "Mid-life Crisis".
For me, this really was becoming a crisis. I developed Fear in my otherwise carefree life. My love of adventure became stifled as I made room for this new, un-welcomed creature. I didn't understand how it got here. Maybe it arrived in oposition to all the freedom I was now able to taste. My kids were all gone. My husband was leaving his life-long job to spread his wings in another arena. I was finally at home and able to do anything my heart desired. Maybe a life that wasn't inhibited by structure was just too foreign for me and I was having a hard time with the whole transition. Whatever the case, I wasn't enjoying this partnership with Fear.
Yesterday, I got home from a visit to my youngest daughter's place in Southern California. She is a "Child of Adventure" in an area where all kinds of new adventures are born. One morning she suggested that we try something new... Floating (I will post a link at the bottom of this page for those of you wishing to know more). Floating? Sounds harmless, said the inner "me" still allowing room for fear. I agreed before thinking too much about what it might entail. An out-of-the-box adventure may be just the thing I need to get past this "feeling old" self I was becoming. Little did I know, I wasn't getting out-of-the-box, but was about to go into-the box and have to face Fear head on.
Floating is an experience that can be quite different for everyone. It is the process of climbing into a pitch black container of Epson salt water and floating, alone, for an hour and a half. Who does this kind of stuff?!? I love being alone. It gives me time to talk to God and think up all kinds of creative new things to try. So why was I quickly becoming apprehensive to this experience? I truly believe it was because I brought Fear in with me.
We were escorted to our private rooms. I showered off and climbed into what looked like a meat locker. The owner of the establishment had mentioned that I could leave the door cracked if I felt claustrophobic, but that I should close it when I became comfortable so that I could really experience the full effect of the process. How do you become comfortable, naked, in a black box, locked in with a creature you detest? I climbed in.
I'm sure that if I was being filmed, it would have been quite comical. The box has plenty of room and the water is only about 18" deep, but I felt like I couldn't reach the bottom because I couldn't see it. The salt water is body temperature and so is the air around you. You don't know if you're actually in or out of the water. There is so much salt that you can't sink, so you can't drown. I laid down, twitching and turning, trying to find a comfortable spot to lay for and hour and a half. The owner had said that I would probably fall asleep while in there. Yeah, right? This is going to be the longest hour and a half of my life, I thought.
Everything began to bother me. When I closed my eyes, I felt like I was slowly turning to the left. That was impossible, since the box is only a 5' x 8' tub. I opened my eyes and kept my vision focused on the crack in the door to steady myself. Next, I thought, "OK, God, let's talk"... I got nothing. This was very unusual for me. He said nothing in return, even more unusual. I felt like an hour and a half would never end unless I did something I should have done long ago. I had to evict my room mate, Fear.
Quietly, so as not to disturb the peaceful atmosphere I was supposed to be experiencing, I forced my bottom down so I could sit up. I told Fear there wasn't any room for him in this tank or in my life anymore and that he would have to leave. Then I closed the door, completely. This time I laid down, quickly found a comfortable position and relaxed. Once in a while I heard myself snort (which meant I had, in fact, been asleep), but I could never really tell if I was asleep or awake. A few minutes passed (actually... it was an hour and a half, but felt like only moments). I heard faint music playing. This indicated that our time was over and I could get out and shower off. How long had the music been playing? How did my daughter do in the tank next door? How much time did I have to get dressed? Anxiety was waiting to replace fear in my life, but I quickly recognized it and said, "No". It's time for me to enjoy my life and regain the part of my youth I lost.
So, what's the cure for getting old? For me, it was finding someone to remind me who I really was. I birthed an "Adventure Girl" because I was a girl of adventure myself. Being with Cody reminded me of who I really was and helped me to brush off anything else that was trying to make me believe otherwise. I thanked God for my daughter, my life and the rest I just got, then walked out feeling young again.
The floating process: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQC_mJZ3MQM
The place we went: http://www.newportfloat.com/
For me, this really was becoming a crisis. I developed Fear in my otherwise carefree life. My love of adventure became stifled as I made room for this new, un-welcomed creature. I didn't understand how it got here. Maybe it arrived in oposition to all the freedom I was now able to taste. My kids were all gone. My husband was leaving his life-long job to spread his wings in another arena. I was finally at home and able to do anything my heart desired. Maybe a life that wasn't inhibited by structure was just too foreign for me and I was having a hard time with the whole transition. Whatever the case, I wasn't enjoying this partnership with Fear.
Yesterday, I got home from a visit to my youngest daughter's place in Southern California. She is a "Child of Adventure" in an area where all kinds of new adventures are born. One morning she suggested that we try something new... Floating (I will post a link at the bottom of this page for those of you wishing to know more). Floating? Sounds harmless, said the inner "me" still allowing room for fear. I agreed before thinking too much about what it might entail. An out-of-the-box adventure may be just the thing I need to get past this "feeling old" self I was becoming. Little did I know, I wasn't getting out-of-the-box, but was about to go into-the box and have to face Fear head on.
Floating is an experience that can be quite different for everyone. It is the process of climbing into a pitch black container of Epson salt water and floating, alone, for an hour and a half. Who does this kind of stuff?!? I love being alone. It gives me time to talk to God and think up all kinds of creative new things to try. So why was I quickly becoming apprehensive to this experience? I truly believe it was because I brought Fear in with me.
We were escorted to our private rooms. I showered off and climbed into what looked like a meat locker. The owner of the establishment had mentioned that I could leave the door cracked if I felt claustrophobic, but that I should close it when I became comfortable so that I could really experience the full effect of the process. How do you become comfortable, naked, in a black box, locked in with a creature you detest? I climbed in.
I'm sure that if I was being filmed, it would have been quite comical. The box has plenty of room and the water is only about 18" deep, but I felt like I couldn't reach the bottom because I couldn't see it. The salt water is body temperature and so is the air around you. You don't know if you're actually in or out of the water. There is so much salt that you can't sink, so you can't drown. I laid down, twitching and turning, trying to find a comfortable spot to lay for and hour and a half. The owner had said that I would probably fall asleep while in there. Yeah, right? This is going to be the longest hour and a half of my life, I thought.
Everything began to bother me. When I closed my eyes, I felt like I was slowly turning to the left. That was impossible, since the box is only a 5' x 8' tub. I opened my eyes and kept my vision focused on the crack in the door to steady myself. Next, I thought, "OK, God, let's talk"... I got nothing. This was very unusual for me. He said nothing in return, even more unusual. I felt like an hour and a half would never end unless I did something I should have done long ago. I had to evict my room mate, Fear.
Quietly, so as not to disturb the peaceful atmosphere I was supposed to be experiencing, I forced my bottom down so I could sit up. I told Fear there wasn't any room for him in this tank or in my life anymore and that he would have to leave. Then I closed the door, completely. This time I laid down, quickly found a comfortable position and relaxed. Once in a while I heard myself snort (which meant I had, in fact, been asleep), but I could never really tell if I was asleep or awake. A few minutes passed (actually... it was an hour and a half, but felt like only moments). I heard faint music playing. This indicated that our time was over and I could get out and shower off. How long had the music been playing? How did my daughter do in the tank next door? How much time did I have to get dressed? Anxiety was waiting to replace fear in my life, but I quickly recognized it and said, "No". It's time for me to enjoy my life and regain the part of my youth I lost.
So, what's the cure for getting old? For me, it was finding someone to remind me who I really was. I birthed an "Adventure Girl" because I was a girl of adventure myself. Being with Cody reminded me of who I really was and helped me to brush off anything else that was trying to make me believe otherwise. I thanked God for my daughter, my life and the rest I just got, then walked out feeling young again.
The floating process: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQC_mJZ3MQM
The place we went: http://www.newportfloat.com/
Saturday, July 2, 2016
New Chapters
A chapter of my life is coming to a close. Times like these always cause me to look back onto other sections of my life that have come to completion. I love doing this because I get to see how much I've grown, how far I've come, how many things I've learned...
This morning I was thinking about some particularly hard beginnings, most of which involved Tiffany, our middle daughter. Periods of time where I faced things like: Having her opened up for surgery and wondering if she would survive sedation; Making a choice to place her in a group home (for a time) so our family could heal, Having a G-tube surgically inserted to give her relief from aspirating everything she swallowed; And finally... her death in my arms. These were very difficult chapters to start, but their endings never ceased to surprise me.
Bad beginnings don't always have terrible endings. Sometimes you have to start down a treacherous trail to find that it eventually banks right and leads you to an oasis you never would have discovered if you hadn't taken the journey. I have lots of friends in these places right now. Know that you are being watched and prayed over every step of your reluctant adventure. There is so much to discover and others are learning too as they watch you maneuver through your choices.
Life often opens new chapters without us ever getting to voice a "say" whether or not we want to embark on their course. We kick and fuss, crying about how awful these circumstances are. We become so focused on the problem that we never even notice that we have officially begun a new adventure. It isn't until days like today, that we get to look back and appreciate the journey itself.
In the next couple of weeks, I'll be ending a job and beginning several other new positions. I plan to begin this new chapter with eyes-wide-open and my heart in adventure-mode. I don't want to miss a single moment or waste any time giving attention to things that will slow me down. I want to boldly go where this girl has not gone before. I want to LIVE before I die and leave a legacy that inspires others to live life to its fullest.
So today, I leave you with a question to kick-start your next adventure... If time and money were not an issue, what journey would you set course for? Now, let the adventure begin!
This morning I was thinking about some particularly hard beginnings, most of which involved Tiffany, our middle daughter. Periods of time where I faced things like: Having her opened up for surgery and wondering if she would survive sedation; Making a choice to place her in a group home (for a time) so our family could heal, Having a G-tube surgically inserted to give her relief from aspirating everything she swallowed; And finally... her death in my arms. These were very difficult chapters to start, but their endings never ceased to surprise me.
Bad beginnings don't always have terrible endings. Sometimes you have to start down a treacherous trail to find that it eventually banks right and leads you to an oasis you never would have discovered if you hadn't taken the journey. I have lots of friends in these places right now. Know that you are being watched and prayed over every step of your reluctant adventure. There is so much to discover and others are learning too as they watch you maneuver through your choices.
Life often opens new chapters without us ever getting to voice a "say" whether or not we want to embark on their course. We kick and fuss, crying about how awful these circumstances are. We become so focused on the problem that we never even notice that we have officially begun a new adventure. It isn't until days like today, that we get to look back and appreciate the journey itself.
In the next couple of weeks, I'll be ending a job and beginning several other new positions. I plan to begin this new chapter with eyes-wide-open and my heart in adventure-mode. I don't want to miss a single moment or waste any time giving attention to things that will slow me down. I want to boldly go where this girl has not gone before. I want to LIVE before I die and leave a legacy that inspires others to live life to its fullest.
So today, I leave you with a question to kick-start your next adventure... If time and money were not an issue, what journey would you set course for? Now, let the adventure begin!
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Sustainability
I love the following definition for sustainability: "Among the many ways that sustainability has been defined, the simplest
and most fundamental is: "the ability to sustain" or, put another way,
"the capacity to endure."
Sustainability has not only been my passion, but has also been the theme of my life thus far. When I was a child, I used to play "pretend" with all the other kids on my block. They would pretend that they lived in nice little homes and cooked nice little dinners for their families. Basically, they would play "house". I would play "ranch". My ranch was large, had all the modern conveniences, and was constantly in the state of growth. Maybe these games set the pattern for my future.
"The ability to sustain... The capacity to endure."
Today, I find myself longing for the time to "play ranch". I had to return to work after my middle child passed away, which left me little time to create the sustainable environment of my dreams. The other night, I was frustrated and pouring out my disappointment in a conversation with my husband. He said something profound! He said, "You are creating sustainability. You're doing it where you work."
I never thought about that. I am a manager at a wholesale/retail nursery. I love to train and I love to see people walk into their true "giftings". I work with a group of incredible young and gifted leaders. It's so much fun to see them discover their strengths, work on their short-comings and blossom into the leaders they were born to be. As I work with them, I get to revisit my role as "mother" that I lost when my daughter died. In training them, I accomplish several goals... I get to pay off debt by working; I get to train a team of potential leaders; and I get to create something that will last long after I'm gone. I get to be sustainable.
Sustainability... The ability to sustain, the capacity to endure. What is the theme of your life?
Sustainability has not only been my passion, but has also been the theme of my life thus far. When I was a child, I used to play "pretend" with all the other kids on my block. They would pretend that they lived in nice little homes and cooked nice little dinners for their families. Basically, they would play "house". I would play "ranch". My ranch was large, had all the modern conveniences, and was constantly in the state of growth. Maybe these games set the pattern for my future.
"The ability to sustain... The capacity to endure."
Today, I find myself longing for the time to "play ranch". I had to return to work after my middle child passed away, which left me little time to create the sustainable environment of my dreams. The other night, I was frustrated and pouring out my disappointment in a conversation with my husband. He said something profound! He said, "You are creating sustainability. You're doing it where you work."
I never thought about that. I am a manager at a wholesale/retail nursery. I love to train and I love to see people walk into their true "giftings". I work with a group of incredible young and gifted leaders. It's so much fun to see them discover their strengths, work on their short-comings and blossom into the leaders they were born to be. As I work with them, I get to revisit my role as "mother" that I lost when my daughter died. In training them, I accomplish several goals... I get to pay off debt by working; I get to train a team of potential leaders; and I get to create something that will last long after I'm gone. I get to be sustainable.
Sustainability... The ability to sustain, the capacity to endure. What is the theme of your life?
Friday, January 29, 2016
Being Female
Recently, I've been reading Danny Silk's book, "Powerful & Free", Confronting The Glass Ceiling For Women In The Church. He points out the theology behind women being powerful leaders in all realms of society... even the church. This is causing me to look back on a few things in my life.
My Dad raised three very strong willed little girls. He taught them to be bold and independent, although I think it always surprises him when we act on the lessons he subliminally taught us. All three of us turned out to be very strong women. I am the oldest. My middle sister leads a women's group in a church and referees in the public sector. I believe no man would ever dare to stand up to her "calls" on the field. She is ferocious and very strong in her convictions. My youngest sister has a quiet strength and has truly become one of my favorite mentors in this area. She knows how to stay connected in confrontation, thus being one of the favorite aunts to all the nieces and nephews. I am so proud to be connected to such powerful women.
My Mom was the one who gave me the foundation for how I'm choosing to walk in all this power. When I was young, I would share with her all my wild ideas and ambitions. She would encourage and walk with me as I tried out each path... cross country running, sewing, leading a drill team, etc. When she was with me, I thought I could do anything! I also watched her closely because I recognized that she had a key to this truth. Here's is what I saw.
When she and my dad had a disagreement, she wouldn't shout and yell back at him. She would just quietly state her point and then let him do all the talking. When they were done, she would go to her quiet place and talk to God about the situation. She would spend all kinds of time quoting God's own word back to Him until she came to a place where she could be comforted and let Holy Spirit work on my dad, Himself. The key was knowing her Daddy and knowing Jesus gave her the freedom to come boldly to His throne and reason with Him.
Since then, I've learned some other things about God and His promises for me as His daughter. He makes sure I have plenty of tools and the ability to pass any test He calls me into. These things are both for my good and the good of those I'm around. He gives me His Spirit of wisdom and gentleness to temper my own personality. My favorite, though, is He gives me favor in the places He asks me to join Him in. This is what favor looks like...
I was the first person promoted to manager when I worked at Mervyn's, in Lompoc. The store manager said I was too socially incorrect to ever be a manager, but God had different plans. I was asked to teach a Bible study called "Experiencing God" to a group of Board Members in a church where women were not allowed to teach men (the Board consisted of men), I have been promoted in places where I was the last hired and I have been able to stay connected to people who would normally become my enemies in such situations. These are not things I could do on my own. I wouldn't even choose to do these things on my own. This is what happens when The God of Creation, my Daddy, calls me to partner with Him in something He wants to accomplish. He raises me up to be Powerful just as He is Powerful. This does not elevate the creation (me), it elevates the creator (Him). I just get to enjoy His glory with Him because I'm his kid, His daughter!
My Dad raised three very strong willed little girls. He taught them to be bold and independent, although I think it always surprises him when we act on the lessons he subliminally taught us. All three of us turned out to be very strong women. I am the oldest. My middle sister leads a women's group in a church and referees in the public sector. I believe no man would ever dare to stand up to her "calls" on the field. She is ferocious and very strong in her convictions. My youngest sister has a quiet strength and has truly become one of my favorite mentors in this area. She knows how to stay connected in confrontation, thus being one of the favorite aunts to all the nieces and nephews. I am so proud to be connected to such powerful women.
My Mom was the one who gave me the foundation for how I'm choosing to walk in all this power. When I was young, I would share with her all my wild ideas and ambitions. She would encourage and walk with me as I tried out each path... cross country running, sewing, leading a drill team, etc. When she was with me, I thought I could do anything! I also watched her closely because I recognized that she had a key to this truth. Here's is what I saw.
When she and my dad had a disagreement, she wouldn't shout and yell back at him. She would just quietly state her point and then let him do all the talking. When they were done, she would go to her quiet place and talk to God about the situation. She would spend all kinds of time quoting God's own word back to Him until she came to a place where she could be comforted and let Holy Spirit work on my dad, Himself. The key was knowing her Daddy and knowing Jesus gave her the freedom to come boldly to His throne and reason with Him.
Since then, I've learned some other things about God and His promises for me as His daughter. He makes sure I have plenty of tools and the ability to pass any test He calls me into. These things are both for my good and the good of those I'm around. He gives me His Spirit of wisdom and gentleness to temper my own personality. My favorite, though, is He gives me favor in the places He asks me to join Him in. This is what favor looks like...
I was the first person promoted to manager when I worked at Mervyn's, in Lompoc. The store manager said I was too socially incorrect to ever be a manager, but God had different plans. I was asked to teach a Bible study called "Experiencing God" to a group of Board Members in a church where women were not allowed to teach men (the Board consisted of men), I have been promoted in places where I was the last hired and I have been able to stay connected to people who would normally become my enemies in such situations. These are not things I could do on my own. I wouldn't even choose to do these things on my own. This is what happens when The God of Creation, my Daddy, calls me to partner with Him in something He wants to accomplish. He raises me up to be Powerful just as He is Powerful. This does not elevate the creation (me), it elevates the creator (Him). I just get to enjoy His glory with Him because I'm his kid, His daughter!
Friday, August 21, 2015
Old Wine Skins vs Tupperware
In my last post, I wrote about a lightning strike that hit our ranch. I thought that was the end of that story until I met a man named Josh Brewer.
One night, Josh felt like he heard the Lord tell him to go outside and look up at the sky. He looked up and saw lightning strike the foothills, at the top of 168. This would have been my town of Auberry, from his perspective in the valley. He then saw it hit one spot after another until it made a complete circle around Fresno. Every place the lightning hit, a fire began. The fires grew until they all touched each other and completed the circle around Fresno. He said he felt like the Lord was showing him how He would move on Fresno's behalf.
How interesting that God brought the following verse to mind, for me as I popped in a C.D. and drove to work, the day after lightning had actually hit our property:
Job 27:15 says, "Do you know how God controls the clouds and makes the lightning flash?"
I love how God messes with our mindsets!!! Just when I think I have Him all figured out, He throws me a curve ball just to see if I'll reach out and catch it. I grew up in a culture that explained God as a "just" god, willing to destroy entire cities for the sake of justice. I later learned to view God as a "loving Daddy" who I couldn't imagine intentionally punishing someone to get them to love Him. Currently, He is expanding my heart to see that He is super creative in His ways of getting our attention. He sent lightning to show me that I am part of a very important plan. I had to stand in Josh's shoes to see what a special gift this is. Josh's position gave me a different perspective of my situation.
God is pouring out new wine and we keep trying to put it into our old wine skins, our old ways of thinking. It's not as simple as just getting a new wine skin to hold these downloaded revelations. Our version of new wine skins tend to look just like the old ones. What if they look completely different? What if they look like Tupperware? Would we recognize and accept them as being what God needs us to have to process what He's telling us in this era? Can we step out of our past comfort zone to embrace something new and creative (just like Him)? These are the things we're going after. This is the thing that keeps us alive and alert. This is what we were created for.
How about you? What makes you alive? I truly want to know, because I think we were created to benefit from each other. You have something I need and visa-versa. We each fit together with each other. Imagine the possibilities of that concept. Imagine a life of connection.
One night, Josh felt like he heard the Lord tell him to go outside and look up at the sky. He looked up and saw lightning strike the foothills, at the top of 168. This would have been my town of Auberry, from his perspective in the valley. He then saw it hit one spot after another until it made a complete circle around Fresno. Every place the lightning hit, a fire began. The fires grew until they all touched each other and completed the circle around Fresno. He said he felt like the Lord was showing him how He would move on Fresno's behalf.
How interesting that God brought the following verse to mind, for me as I popped in a C.D. and drove to work, the day after lightning had actually hit our property:
I love how God messes with our mindsets!!! Just when I think I have Him all figured out, He throws me a curve ball just to see if I'll reach out and catch it. I grew up in a culture that explained God as a "just" god, willing to destroy entire cities for the sake of justice. I later learned to view God as a "loving Daddy" who I couldn't imagine intentionally punishing someone to get them to love Him. Currently, He is expanding my heart to see that He is super creative in His ways of getting our attention. He sent lightning to show me that I am part of a very important plan. I had to stand in Josh's shoes to see what a special gift this is. Josh's position gave me a different perspective of my situation.
God is pouring out new wine and we keep trying to put it into our old wine skins, our old ways of thinking. It's not as simple as just getting a new wine skin to hold these downloaded revelations. Our version of new wine skins tend to look just like the old ones. What if they look completely different? What if they look like Tupperware? Would we recognize and accept them as being what God needs us to have to process what He's telling us in this era? Can we step out of our past comfort zone to embrace something new and creative (just like Him)? These are the things we're going after. This is the thing that keeps us alive and alert. This is what we were created for.
How about you? What makes you alive? I truly want to know, because I think we were created to benefit from each other. You have something I need and visa-versa. We each fit together with each other. Imagine the possibilities of that concept. Imagine a life of connection.
Monday, June 15, 2015
When Trouble Comes In Clumps
The Friday before last was filled with tremendous weirdness. While at work, I got word that there had been a fatal car vs motorcycle accident on the main road home. Hours later, when I got in my car to head home, I remembered the warning and was watching for skid marks in the road, indicating where the wreck had taken place. A few miles into my journey, I noticed a Cal Trans worker on the side of the road. He was making unfamiliar hand signals and caught my attention. As I slowed down to take a closer look, I saw that it was my husband. I pulled off the road and walked back to where he was.
These are the places in my life where I begin to ask questions. I have constant conversations with God about odd situations that constantly appear in my life. I rarely ever ask the question "Why?" Usually I ask things like this.., "Did you intentionally suggest to Jeff and I to wear fluorescent shirts today because you knew we'd be involved in something like this?" I'm always wondering what God is up to and excited to see the part I get to play in His adventures.
So there stood Jeff and I with our fluorescent shirts, slowing traffic down on the blind curve so the oncoming traffic wouldn't hit the cars slowing down for the detour ahead. We stayed until the mess was well controlled. Then we learned that there was more trouble ahead. A lightning storm had begun to brew and two fires broke out near the crews cleaning up the accident. It was strange to drive past sheriffs, highway patrol, fire trucks, coroners, etc... all at the same spot. We thought the days events were over.
When we arrived home, we saw two fires burning on our mountain. We didn't know it then, but lightning had apparently hit something that knocked out our well pump and phone lines, which in turn, blew out our computer and modem. As Jeff investigated that situation, he heard kittens crying all over our yard. Their mom must have been taken by one of the local predators. This is how things happen in our life. Not in ones or twos, but in clumps. These are the places that churn up more questions in my mind. Questions like, "What should I be seeing or hearing in this situation? What do I need to learn while I'm here?"
Job 27:15 says, "Do you know how God controls the clouds and makes the lightning flash?" This verse brought even more questions to mind.., "Did you direct this lightning or do you just put a system in place and it kind of runs on its own?" I don't think we need to be afraid to ask God questions. He made us for relationship and loves anything that brings us close to Him... even our questions.
This is a good place to state that I don't build a theology on events that happen in my life. If I did, then I'd be tempted to look at God as a big mean, unfair being. Instead, I try to learn from these events knowing that God is love and made me because He wanted someone to love. I try to view my circumstances from His truth rather than create a theology based on my current wound.
So, here I am today. Waiting for temporary water to be delivered and the phone repair man to come assess our situation. God promised that He already knows my needs (Matt 6:8) and that He is ready to perform His own word (Jeremiah 1:12). I'm not worried. I'm just wondering what new revelations He will show me in this process. Whatever they are, they will be for my good and not my destruction (Jeremiah 19:11)!
Saturday, February 28, 2015
T & J's
When my husband and I went to a School of Supernatural Ministry, We were required to move in "faith". The best way to do that was to "risk" by stepping out in what we learned. One thing we learned was that Jesus modeled Kingdom when he walked this Earth. He limited himself to moving only in that which a man could do so that we would be able to pattern after Him (John 14:12 "Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."). Now that He lives in me, there's no limit to that adventure.
Yesterday we went to lunch and were able to move in, what our school referred to as "T & J's" (Tam and Jeff's... a name the school fondly called what we have fun with when we're in restaurants and Jesus wants to love on the people around us). Here's what our February 27 T & J looked like...
Our waitress came to our table and my husband looked right into her eyes and gave her a "word of knowledge". The simplest explanation for a word of knowledge is this: Learning to speak something Holy Spirit says to you, about the person standing in front of you, that only God would know. Remember, We went to school to learn how to move in these things. We had to learn how to recognize God's voice and be able to discern it from all the other voices that want to speak to us too (including our own). This tool is a great door opener for Jesus to show how much He loves someone. Jeff moves in this particular gift easily, so off he went. The word Jeff gave her was, "You love Jesus, don't you?"
I have to say, I probably would have been a little less forward, but that girl was completely shocked and then said, "Yes! Thank you so much for saying that." This opened an entire dialog between us and we were thrilled to see her entire countenance brighten.
After she left the table, I asked Jeff why he was so direct, instead of gently getting around to the point. He said he was learning to be more direct and risk even more.
Next, I received a prophetic word for this young lady. A prophetic word, something we also learned in school, is simply a word that encourages someone and allows them to move into their destiny. It isn't something I think up, it's something Holy Spirit sees... a key... that the person in front of me needs to unlock a door. When our waitress came back, I explained to her that I spend a lot of time praying over children in the hospital. Since they don't talk, I ask Holy Spirit what to pray over them. These aren't pleading words, these are words of declaration because I know they are from His heart... His will. I told her I had one of those kinds of words for her and I asked if she'd like to hear it. She was leery, but because of Jeff's word of knowledge, her walls were coming down and she was ready to trust me.
I only spoke what I felt Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart. I told her that she was created to be relational, so much so that she would know which doors to walk through based on whether or not it would take her to a place where she could move in that ability. It was a key that would unlock just the right door for her in the future. She began to cry.
This is the part that is always so amazing. God loves to touch that one place in a person that no one but Him knows. This young lady was adopted. She just learned that her biological mother was in hospice and she had never met her. Her adopted mother was urging her to meet her before it was too late. The girl was confused and scared. She didn't know what to do. Isn't it just like Papa God to bring two complete strangers into her life just to hand her a key? "Go through the doors that allow for you to be relational." She got it! She had her answer. I didn't give it to her, Papa God did. She asked for direction and He was faithful and lovingly gave it to her in a way she would remember forever. That, my friends, is moving in the supernatural. That is bringing God's Kingdom to Earth. That is allowing Jesus, in me, to do what He did when He was here. This is where Christianity becomes fun!!!
Yesterday we went to lunch and were able to move in, what our school referred to as "T & J's" (Tam and Jeff's... a name the school fondly called what we have fun with when we're in restaurants and Jesus wants to love on the people around us). Here's what our February 27 T & J looked like...
Our waitress came to our table and my husband looked right into her eyes and gave her a "word of knowledge". The simplest explanation for a word of knowledge is this: Learning to speak something Holy Spirit says to you, about the person standing in front of you, that only God would know. Remember, We went to school to learn how to move in these things. We had to learn how to recognize God's voice and be able to discern it from all the other voices that want to speak to us too (including our own). This tool is a great door opener for Jesus to show how much He loves someone. Jeff moves in this particular gift easily, so off he went. The word Jeff gave her was, "You love Jesus, don't you?"
I have to say, I probably would have been a little less forward, but that girl was completely shocked and then said, "Yes! Thank you so much for saying that." This opened an entire dialog between us and we were thrilled to see her entire countenance brighten.
After she left the table, I asked Jeff why he was so direct, instead of gently getting around to the point. He said he was learning to be more direct and risk even more.
Next, I received a prophetic word for this young lady. A prophetic word, something we also learned in school, is simply a word that encourages someone and allows them to move into their destiny. It isn't something I think up, it's something Holy Spirit sees... a key... that the person in front of me needs to unlock a door. When our waitress came back, I explained to her that I spend a lot of time praying over children in the hospital. Since they don't talk, I ask Holy Spirit what to pray over them. These aren't pleading words, these are words of declaration because I know they are from His heart... His will. I told her I had one of those kinds of words for her and I asked if she'd like to hear it. She was leery, but because of Jeff's word of knowledge, her walls were coming down and she was ready to trust me.
I only spoke what I felt Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart. I told her that she was created to be relational, so much so that she would know which doors to walk through based on whether or not it would take her to a place where she could move in that ability. It was a key that would unlock just the right door for her in the future. She began to cry.
This is the part that is always so amazing. God loves to touch that one place in a person that no one but Him knows. This young lady was adopted. She just learned that her biological mother was in hospice and she had never met her. Her adopted mother was urging her to meet her before it was too late. The girl was confused and scared. She didn't know what to do. Isn't it just like Papa God to bring two complete strangers into her life just to hand her a key? "Go through the doors that allow for you to be relational." She got it! She had her answer. I didn't give it to her, Papa God did. She asked for direction and He was faithful and lovingly gave it to her in a way she would remember forever. That, my friends, is moving in the supernatural. That is bringing God's Kingdom to Earth. That is allowing Jesus, in me, to do what He did when He was here. This is where Christianity becomes fun!!!
Monday, December 29, 2014
Thy Kingdom Come
Moving from theology to reality is fun, exciting and empowering. It also has many enormous bumps in the road, mostly from huge paradigm trees that fall along the way. I think it's interesting that Holy Spirit gently reveals things in my life, that I somehow grabbed hold of as truth, holds it up to the light of Jesus and His life and lovingly "falls" my trees. For me, the tree usually falls right in my path so that I can then crawl over it as a final act of a new found revelation and strength. This adventure occurs over and over in my life. One of these trees that fell was the great, "Thy Kingdom Come."
Today is the one month marker of our sweet daughter, Tiffany, leaving one realm for another. I imagine her spending all her time in Papa God's love, going for walks and dancing with Jesus, but I also imagine there is more... She spent her whole life learning and imparting "unconditional love" to everyone around her. She was a fierce warrior in her battle to live and to continue this kind of ministry. I often wonder what else she learned during those times she and Jesus spent together, traveling in the spirit or just enjoying each other's company, while here on Earth. I would often see her look right past me and giggle at something else that had joined us in the room. I believe she had connected with The Kingdom and wasn't just waiting for heaven to come. After all that training, I wonder how she spends her days now. There must be more to heaven.
With all that said, what did Jesus mean by his words, "Thy Kingdom Come," or "The Kingdom of God is at hand," or "The Kingdom of God is like...____?" If He was the walking/talking envelopment of His father's kingdom, and He lives in us, then now how does "Thy Kingdom Come" look? This is where Christianity takes off and becomes something much more fun and exciting than I once learned in the religious settings I'd grown up in. This is where Jesus becomes real in my life.
The encounters I have with Him, and the ones I get to see others have, are pieces of heaven blasting through to Earth as a means of charring off the gunk that has settled on The Bride. She is no longer a wounded body, waiting for her prince to come rescue her from this world's clutches. She is now a warrior, becoming cleaner, stronger with each burst of His encounter. He will return to a beautiful bride and He is placing His kingdom in her right now.
I'm becoming more intentional about fostering the piece of Kingdom He has placed in me. The piece I carry may look different than the piece you carry. We were meant to be a Body. I need what you carry. what Jesus is growing in you. Together, we become stronger and more beautiful. We are becomimg a Bride worthy of The Lamb, not because of what we do, but because of what He's doing in us. I'm ready to move further into something I saw Tiffany carry everywhere she went. I'm ready to join with others who are ready to do the same. I'm ready to host and lead others into their own personal "blast" from heaven. I'm ready to change the world, just as Tiffany did... just as Jesus did... one loving encounter at a time.
Today is the one month marker of our sweet daughter, Tiffany, leaving one realm for another. I imagine her spending all her time in Papa God's love, going for walks and dancing with Jesus, but I also imagine there is more... She spent her whole life learning and imparting "unconditional love" to everyone around her. She was a fierce warrior in her battle to live and to continue this kind of ministry. I often wonder what else she learned during those times she and Jesus spent together, traveling in the spirit or just enjoying each other's company, while here on Earth. I would often see her look right past me and giggle at something else that had joined us in the room. I believe she had connected with The Kingdom and wasn't just waiting for heaven to come. After all that training, I wonder how she spends her days now. There must be more to heaven.
With all that said, what did Jesus mean by his words, "Thy Kingdom Come," or "The Kingdom of God is at hand," or "The Kingdom of God is like...____?" If He was the walking/talking envelopment of His father's kingdom, and He lives in us, then now how does "Thy Kingdom Come" look? This is where Christianity takes off and becomes something much more fun and exciting than I once learned in the religious settings I'd grown up in. This is where Jesus becomes real in my life.
The encounters I have with Him, and the ones I get to see others have, are pieces of heaven blasting through to Earth as a means of charring off the gunk that has settled on The Bride. She is no longer a wounded body, waiting for her prince to come rescue her from this world's clutches. She is now a warrior, becoming cleaner, stronger with each burst of His encounter. He will return to a beautiful bride and He is placing His kingdom in her right now.
I'm becoming more intentional about fostering the piece of Kingdom He has placed in me. The piece I carry may look different than the piece you carry. We were meant to be a Body. I need what you carry. what Jesus is growing in you. Together, we become stronger and more beautiful. We are becomimg a Bride worthy of The Lamb, not because of what we do, but because of what He's doing in us. I'm ready to move further into something I saw Tiffany carry everywhere she went. I'm ready to join with others who are ready to do the same. I'm ready to host and lead others into their own personal "blast" from heaven. I'm ready to change the world, just as Tiffany did... just as Jesus did... one loving encounter at a time.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Who Am I, And Who Are You?
Yesterday, we said good-bye to our youngest as she headed back to Southern California, after having helped us bury our middle child. Suddenly, and finally, we were alone. Now what?!?
My husband and I have been very intentional, over the past couple of years, learning how to reconnect. We realized that although we lived together for over 30 years, we had become two completely different people. We had been living parallel lives. When we braved gazing further down the road, we realize that our paths would never intersect again unless we changed something. We had to come up with a plan to join again as partners. This wasn't an easy process.
It didn't take Jeff and I long to discover that we had somehow become polar opposite. We couldn't think of anything we agreed upon or even liked to do together. Was this, indeed, a new discovery, or had we always been this way? Did we ever have anything in common? What caused us to be attracted to and marry each other in the first place? It was hard to even think back over so many years. Harder still to find a resolution. I am happy to say, determination and love, although not just feelings, can be very effective motivators.
All of that happened several years ago. We eventually found areas where we could venture into each other's territories, places we could sacrifice for the sake of connection. We learned about each other's strengths and fears. We discovered that we didn't need to be identical, to get along, we just needed to appreciate the differences in each other. To value the perspective the other one had. Our favorite analogy was that of a dollar bill. It's one dollar, intended for one purpose, but if you described either side of the bill, it would sound like two entirely different pieces of paper. We are that dollar bill. Two entirely different people, designed to fit together for some purpose. Now to discover our purpose.
So, yesterday began a new journey for us. We are now completely in Papa God's hands and totally dependent on His provision, direction, and strength. This is a place of total trust. This is where "faith" becomes more than just a cliche used in churches. This is where we discover who we truly are, at the core, and where we learn to cling to the attributes in each other. This is a place every married couple should venture into before they find themselves alone, wondering if they have anything in common anymore. This is marriage.
Just so you know... Our day ended up being one of the best we'd ever had. We took advantage of this beautiful place we call home, and turned it into a honeymooner's paradise. I can't wait to see what adventures are waiting for us today.
My husband and I have been very intentional, over the past couple of years, learning how to reconnect. We realized that although we lived together for over 30 years, we had become two completely different people. We had been living parallel lives. When we braved gazing further down the road, we realize that our paths would never intersect again unless we changed something. We had to come up with a plan to join again as partners. This wasn't an easy process.
It didn't take Jeff and I long to discover that we had somehow become polar opposite. We couldn't think of anything we agreed upon or even liked to do together. Was this, indeed, a new discovery, or had we always been this way? Did we ever have anything in common? What caused us to be attracted to and marry each other in the first place? It was hard to even think back over so many years. Harder still to find a resolution. I am happy to say, determination and love, although not just feelings, can be very effective motivators.
All of that happened several years ago. We eventually found areas where we could venture into each other's territories, places we could sacrifice for the sake of connection. We learned about each other's strengths and fears. We discovered that we didn't need to be identical, to get along, we just needed to appreciate the differences in each other. To value the perspective the other one had. Our favorite analogy was that of a dollar bill. It's one dollar, intended for one purpose, but if you described either side of the bill, it would sound like two entirely different pieces of paper. We are that dollar bill. Two entirely different people, designed to fit together for some purpose. Now to discover our purpose.
So, yesterday began a new journey for us. We are now completely in Papa God's hands and totally dependent on His provision, direction, and strength. This is a place of total trust. This is where "faith" becomes more than just a cliche used in churches. This is where we discover who we truly are, at the core, and where we learn to cling to the attributes in each other. This is a place every married couple should venture into before they find themselves alone, wondering if they have anything in common anymore. This is marriage.
Just so you know... Our day ended up being one of the best we'd ever had. We took advantage of this beautiful place we call home, and turned it into a honeymooner's paradise. I can't wait to see what adventures are waiting for us today.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Strange Times
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." The historical novel, 'A Tale of Two Cities', by Charles Dickens, eloquently sums up this particular day in my life.
Today is my birthday. Yesterday, I buried my daughter and in a couple of days, we'll have a final party to celebrate her life. The best and worst of times all rolled up into one week. I find myself lost in a battle of the mind vs the spirit, here in the wee morning hours. Most of what I did in life (including my vocation) has been wrapped up in one very precious, but demanding, task... to keep Tiffany alive. Today I am expected to celebrate my life. What a daunting task in the midst of everything else going on.
Here is the place faith and reality collide. This is that moment when "fear" of the unknown wakes me, in the middle of the night, and probes at all the insecurities I've managed to keep at bay during the day. This is when I decide... Do I believe all that I've preached? Do I truly grasp that I have a Father who not only speaks into me, "identity", but also cares enough to provide for my everyday needs? These are the nights I battle from theology to reality. These are the nights that wear me out.
Today, I will move forward. Today, hope is all that motivates and drives me toward destiny. Today, I get to choose. Today, I choose life. It's time for my mind to rest. Time for my spirit to take a leading role, to draw me closer... deeper to my Father's embrace.
When Tiffany passed away in my arms, I took a moment and held up her little hand and asked Jesus to come take his bride. I have since had visions of her dancing and jumping with Jesus. What a picture of triumph that is. Yesterday, I felt Jesus turn toward me and say, "Come, join us in the dance."
I sometimes forget that "The Kingdom of God is at hand." That I don't have to wait until I die to experience the joy of playing with Jesus. What a refreshing thought that is. I have a Father who will provide for me and my savior who wants to dance me through the steps. With the comfort Holy Spirit provides, I feel I can move from past to future. The picture is a perfect storm of love, protection and joy. These are the things my spirit can grasp. These are the place my mind resists. This is the battle I continue to fight, but for now... it's early and my body needs rest. Happy birthday, Tam.
Today is my birthday. Yesterday, I buried my daughter and in a couple of days, we'll have a final party to celebrate her life. The best and worst of times all rolled up into one week. I find myself lost in a battle of the mind vs the spirit, here in the wee morning hours. Most of what I did in life (including my vocation) has been wrapped up in one very precious, but demanding, task... to keep Tiffany alive. Today I am expected to celebrate my life. What a daunting task in the midst of everything else going on.
Here is the place faith and reality collide. This is that moment when "fear" of the unknown wakes me, in the middle of the night, and probes at all the insecurities I've managed to keep at bay during the day. This is when I decide... Do I believe all that I've preached? Do I truly grasp that I have a Father who not only speaks into me, "identity", but also cares enough to provide for my everyday needs? These are the nights I battle from theology to reality. These are the nights that wear me out.
Today, I will move forward. Today, hope is all that motivates and drives me toward destiny. Today, I get to choose. Today, I choose life. It's time for my mind to rest. Time for my spirit to take a leading role, to draw me closer... deeper to my Father's embrace.
When Tiffany passed away in my arms, I took a moment and held up her little hand and asked Jesus to come take his bride. I have since had visions of her dancing and jumping with Jesus. What a picture of triumph that is. Yesterday, I felt Jesus turn toward me and say, "Come, join us in the dance."
I sometimes forget that "The Kingdom of God is at hand." That I don't have to wait until I die to experience the joy of playing with Jesus. What a refreshing thought that is. I have a Father who will provide for me and my savior who wants to dance me through the steps. With the comfort Holy Spirit provides, I feel I can move from past to future. The picture is a perfect storm of love, protection and joy. These are the things my spirit can grasp. These are the place my mind resists. This is the battle I continue to fight, but for now... it's early and my body needs rest. Happy birthday, Tam.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Closing Down A Chapter
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| Our Ladybug |
This blog, and my life, are about to make a huge change. On November 29, 2014, my sweet little Tiffany fought her last battle against the disease that had tried to steal her away so many times before. This time, she didn't lose the battle, but instead... broke through the enemies lines, not only for herself, but for so many others as well.
I've learned, from Tiffany's 30 years in our family, that a diagnoses can sometimes be a curse. Once someone speaks something over your family, you spend a lot of time either accepting or rejecting the words they uttered. Words like, "She will never live a normal life"... "She won't live much into her teens"... "Death will be violent and terrible"... "You can't continue to live like this." In the end, Tiffany not only dispelled, but completely annihilated most of what was said about her.
Life with Tiffany was unusual. Once we realized that we could function, not only as a family, but also as a ministry team with her, everything became a huge adventure. Tiffany taught us that we had choices. We could "go after" anything we wanted or we could sit around, making excuses as to why life was so hard. Tiffany, herself, was always making the choice to continue on. We've lost count as to how many times she flirted with death and then dropped him in his tracks. She was, indeed, a Super Hero.
I am a different person for having known Tiffany. I am stronger, bolder, and have learned to love fiercely. I am ready to put on my "big girl panties" and look for "Warrior Required" signs in my life. I have been given the ability to find joy in even the hardest times and to seek out open doors in what once looked like dead ends. I didn't grow up a daughter... she "grew up" me.
I will always love and miss my little ladybug, but I know that the same heart I birth into her, 30 years ago, beats strongly in me. I will live, and live well, because she taught me how.
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