Tuesday, November 22, 2016

A Song

Dear God...

Was it your plan when my daughter died?
Did you know a part of me down deep inside;
Left this earth as I held her tight;
And she took her last breath?

Were you aware of all my tears;
And how I lost so many years;
As I watch my love give in to fears?
How do I carry on?

**Your good book says you came to bring me life.
But every thing that causes me such strife
Takes a piece of my heart and a bit of me dies.
I must admit I don't understand.

How can you watch from far away;
And see me go on from day to day;
When so much turmoil gets in the way;
And I lose my breath.

I need to hear a Father's heart;
When everything tears me apart.
Convince me I'm your greatest art;
So no more of me dies.

**Your good book says you came to bring me life.
But every thing that causes me such strife
Takes a piece of my heart and a bit of me dies.
I must admit I don't understand.

When my tears had all been spent
And to His voice I could relent
He whispered sweetly as He said,
"Yes, a part of you died."

"Those things you mentioned aren't my will
But I can work within them still.
To make room for me to fill
You with all I have for you..."

"A part of you must die.
   But not the best part." 😊







Friday, November 11, 2016

Passion After The Election

Last Tuesday, America voted. We voted in the same manner we have voted for many years.

Last Tuesday, America decided. We decided on a new leader for our country in the same manner we have decided for many years.

Last Wednesday, America erupted. Now... this is new. This year we handled the "day after" in a completely different manner than we have done so for many years.

I have never seen the country so passionate. This is a good thing. The way we're handling it... not so good. The outbursts we're seeing may be due to our lack of experience in even being passionate. America is built on hopes and dreams. We have created a 3 branches of government so that we never have a hierarchy or one person in charge. We vote to pass laws to protect and govern the foundations that we build for the good of everyone here. We ban together against common enemies and work to protect those that can't protect themselves. We are a pretty amazing and smart group of individuals. So what do you do with all these thoughts and feelings you're going through? You figure out a way to use your passion constructively.

When I'm excited about something, I usually set out to show others how good, encouraging or wonderful my ideas are. I'm not in the habit of telling the person, I'm trying to convince, how wrong or stupid they are for not agreeing with me. I don't want them to become afraid of me or my ideas. That would be silly. They may have their own opinions, but my purpose is to get them to want to join in with me. I try to present my ideas in a manner that attracts their attention and support. The last thing I want to do is drive the other person further away.

If you're frustrated with the way things are here, get involved. Change the law if need be. Share with people your great ideas in honorable and encouraging ways. Attract the people and resources you need to make a change. Just remember, we are all Americans.  This is our country and our new president. Individually, we can be very powerful and effective, but together we can be amazing... for the good of all.


Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Who The Heck Is Huldah?!?

I began a new class today. The homework assignment was: "Study one old testament prophet. What did you learn?" I wanted to find someone I hadn't heard of (which was hard) or someone I had just skimmed over (which was much easier) when reading before.  I found Huldah the prophetess. Hold on to your hats ladies... this woman rocked my world!

Huldah had a day job. She was The Keeper of the Wardrobe. Not much is said about whose wardrobe she kept, but this research really brought her out of the closet for me! She lived during the reign of King Josiah who had a heart for God and His law. She also lived at the same time as Zephaniah, Nahum and Jeremiah who were all prominent prophets... and all very connected to the king.

The story goes... One day, the high priest Hilkiah found a scroll while looking for money in The House of The Lord. Don't worry, it was all for a worthy cause. In short, the priest took the scroll to the King, the King read it and tore his clothes in response to what it said. Then the King sent the priest, the secretary of state, the king's servant and two other guys out to "Inquire of The Lord" if the words were indeed true. The band decided to look for a prophet (one who hears from, and speaks for, God) to authenticate the written word.

Let's just stop and look at that for a minute. The priest takes the information to the king for validation. The king gives it back and sends the priest (and a band of prominent men) out to find validation.  If the priest and a king can't validate an apparent law that was written on a scroll... where on earth would they go? I think it's interesting where they didn't go. They didn't go to Zephaniah, Nahum or Jeremiah who had already been working with the king on similar issues. Instead, they went to the woman working in some closet as the keeper of the wardrobe.

Ladies, don't ever think that your current task is too menial or that you are too hidden for the God of the universe to use you.  Now, back to the story...

Huldah validates the text, says it's from the God of Israel and reassures the king that he's on the right track. The people have provoked God, but Josiah will die in peace. These were all parts I had read before and TOTALLY missed the best parts!...  Huldah was the first person ever entrusted to validate a scroll and then declare it to be "The Word of The Lord." Is this not the beginning of the Bible as we know it? After digging further into history, it is said that the place she lived "The Second Quarter" may be in reference to an academy she opened and lived at. If the clues are correct... m-sh-n-h means Second or Repeat. The Mishnah is the study by repetition and is the first major written Oral Torah. This would mean that her school had not only survived, but became the basis of learning for future rabbis.  All this from a woman working as The Keeper of the Wardrobe.

My homework, which began as a concentrated effort to learn something new, resulted in opening a part of my identity which has been tucked away safely in a closet. I LOVE discovering powerful women who have not yet uncovered who they truly are. I love digging for the gold in their lives. I get so excited when true value is unearthed and created identity is unleashed. I'm having such a good time, I can't wait for my next homework assignment!

*Notes: For more information on this class, go to http://www.emergingprophets.com
             For Huldah's entire story, go to 2 Kings 22 and 2 Chronicles 34:14-33
             For the historical reference, see Assertive Biblical Women by William E. Phipps
 

Friday, October 14, 2016

Words are Powerful

This morning I pulled out one of my old Bibles, because I was looking for some verses I had been praying over someone a long time ago. In the front, I have blank pages where I often write down things that are very important to me at the time I am using that particular Bible. I ran across the following:

Epitaph ~
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a beautiful child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because I have lived...
   This is to succeed!

This must have been a poem I read years ago and decided that this would be such a part of my life, that I would want it read at my funeral. At the time, I'm sure it was an aspiration, something I had not yet acquired, but spoke deeply to my spirit. Today I look at it and realized how much these simple words had become a sort of map or vision as to how I wanted to live my life and be known.  Today, I see that much of it is who I now am.

Words... They may seem flippant and easily forgotten. I believe that as a Christian, as a daughter of the creator of the universe, that my words are not only important, but they are powerful. They can change atmospheres, circumstances and lives. When I speak, as the daughter of the king, my words go out into the universe... into the 2nd heaven, and things begin to change. My words carry power and authority.

The above poem was a great things to be speaking over my own life, but how often have I spoken curses... words of destruction over myself and others. If my positive words carry power, then so do my negative words.

I've recently heard that in heaven, there is a courtroom. The "accuser" visits often and presents to God (the judge) every powerfully destructive word I have ever spoken. The judge, being also my father, has given me authority and a free will to use words either as a weapon for good or for destruction. He also stands behind his decision to let me live with the consequence of that power. When I join with the enemy and choose his way over the way of my father, then I have made a contract that can't easily be broken. I am bound by that contract.

There is one other person in that courtroom. Jesus stands in as my defense. He offers me an opportunity to break the contract, with the enemy, and then he covers it with his own life... his blood... a sacrifice in payment for the punishment I deserve.  The judge accepts this act as "payment in full" and throws the case out of court.

In the above scenario, I have a part to play. I have to boldly go to the throne room. I have to be willing to stand before the judge, my father, knowing that I have chosen someone over him. I have to then ask for forgiveness, break the contract with the enemy, and let Jesus defend me with his own life. This is hard and heartbreaking to do, but in the end... I am free!  My father takes nothing from me. I still retain all the power and authority He had originally given me, but now I am sent out to do it differently. I am sent out, once again, to change atmospheres, circumstances and lives... for the better. This is what it is to be a Christian.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Thursday, September 1, 2016

The Cure For Getting Old

When I went through counseling to become a Certified Christian Counselor, I learned that when you reach your mid-fifties you go through a transformation. You become something quite different than you were when you were young. A lot of people call this a "Mid-life Crisis".

For me, this really was becoming a crisis. I developed Fear in my otherwise carefree life. My love of adventure became stifled as I made room for this new, un-welcomed creature. I didn't understand how it got here. Maybe it arrived in oposition to all the freedom I was now able to taste. My kids were all gone.  My husband was leaving his life-long job to spread his wings in another arena. I was finally at home and able to do anything my heart desired. Maybe a life that wasn't inhibited by structure was just too foreign for me and I was having a hard time with the whole transition. Whatever the case, I wasn't enjoying this partnership with Fear.

Yesterday, I got home from a visit to my youngest daughter's place in Southern California. She is a "Child of Adventure" in an area where all kinds of new adventures are born. One morning she suggested that we try something new... Floating (I will post a link at the bottom of this page for those of you wishing to know more). Floating? Sounds harmless, said the inner "me" still allowing room for fear. I agreed before thinking too much about what it might entail. An out-of-the-box adventure may be just the thing I need to get past this "feeling old" self I was becoming. Little did I know, I wasn't getting out-of-the-box, but was about to go into-the box and have to face Fear head on.

Floating is an experience that can be quite different for everyone. It is the process of climbing into a pitch black container of Epson salt water and floating, alone, for an hour and a half. Who does this kind of stuff?!? I love being alone. It gives me time to talk to God and think up all kinds of creative new things to try. So why was I quickly becoming apprehensive to this experience? I truly believe it was because I brought Fear in with me.

We were escorted to our private rooms. I showered off and climbed into what looked like a meat locker. The owner of the establishment had mentioned that I could leave the door cracked if I felt claustrophobic, but that I should close it when I became comfortable so that I could really experience the full effect of the process. How do you become comfortable, naked, in a black box, locked in with a creature you detest? I climbed in.

I'm sure that if I was being filmed, it would have been quite comical. The box has plenty of room and the water is only about 18" deep, but I felt like I couldn't reach the bottom because I couldn't see it. The salt water is body temperature and so is the air around you. You don't know if you're actually in or out of the water. There is so much salt that you can't sink, so you can't drown. I laid down, twitching and turning, trying to find a comfortable spot to lay for and hour and a half. The owner had said that I would probably fall asleep while in there. Yeah, right?  This is going to be the longest hour and a half of my life, I thought.

Everything began to bother me. When I closed my eyes, I felt like I was slowly turning to the left. That was impossible, since the box is only a 5' x 8' tub. I opened my eyes and kept my vision focused on the crack in the door to steady myself. Next, I thought, "OK, God, let's talk"... I got nothing.  This was very unusual for me. He said nothing in return, even more unusual. I felt like an hour and a half would never end unless I did something I should have done long ago. I had to evict my room mate, Fear.

Quietly, so as not to disturb the peaceful atmosphere I was supposed to be experiencing, I forced my bottom down so I could sit up. I told Fear there wasn't any room for him in this tank or in my life anymore and that he would have to leave. Then I closed the door, completely. This time I laid down, quickly found a comfortable position and relaxed. Once in a while I heard myself snort (which meant I had, in fact, been asleep), but I could never really tell if I was asleep or awake. A few minutes passed (actually... it was an hour and a half, but felt like only moments). I heard faint music playing. This indicated that our time was over and I could get out and shower off. How long had the music been playing? How did my daughter do in the tank next door? How much time did I have to get dressed? Anxiety was waiting to replace fear in my life, but I quickly recognized it and said, "No".  It's time for me to enjoy my life and regain the part of my youth I lost.

So, what's the cure for getting old? For me, it was finding someone to remind me who I really was. I birthed an "Adventure Girl" because I was a girl of adventure myself. Being with Cody reminded me of who I really was and helped me to brush off anything else that was trying to make me believe otherwise. I thanked God for my daughter, my life and the rest I just got, then walked out feeling young again.

The floating process:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQC_mJZ3MQM
The place we went: http://www.newportfloat.com/

Saturday, July 2, 2016

New Chapters

A chapter of my life is coming to a close. Times like these always cause me to look back onto other sections of my life that have come to completion. I love doing this because I get to see how much I've grown, how far I've come, how many things I've learned...

This morning I was thinking about some particularly hard beginnings, most of which involved Tiffany, our middle daughter. Periods of time where I faced things like: Having her opened up for surgery and wondering if she would survive sedation; Making a choice to place her in a group home (for a time) so our family could heal, Having a G-tube surgically inserted to give her relief from aspirating everything she swallowed; And finally... her death in my arms. These were very difficult chapters to start, but their endings never ceased to surprise me.

 Bad beginnings don't always have terrible endings. Sometimes you have to start down a treacherous trail to find that it eventually banks right and leads you to an oasis you never would have discovered if you hadn't taken the journey. I have lots of friends in these places right now. Know that you are being watched and prayed over every step of your reluctant adventure. There is so much to discover and others are learning too as they watch you maneuver through your choices.

Life often opens new chapters without us ever getting to voice a "say" whether or not we want to embark on their course. We kick and fuss, crying about how awful these circumstances are. We become so focused on the problem that we never even notice that we have officially begun a new adventure. It isn't until days like today, that we get to look back and appreciate the journey itself.

In the next couple of weeks, I'll be ending a job and beginning several other new positions. I plan to begin this new chapter with eyes-wide-open and my heart in adventure-mode. I don't want to miss a single moment or waste any time giving attention to things that will slow me down. I want to boldly go where this girl has not gone before. I want to LIVE before I die and leave a legacy that inspires others to live life to its fullest.

So today, I leave you with a question to kick-start your next adventure... If time and money were not an issue, what journey would you set course for? Now, let the adventure begin!




Sunday, April 17, 2016

Sustainability

I love the following definition for sustainability: "Among the many ways that sustainability has been defined, the simplest and most fundamental is: "the ability to sustain" or, put another way, "the capacity to endure."

Sustainability has not only been my passion, but has also been the theme of my life thus far. When I was a child, I used to play "pretend" with all the other kids on my block. They would pretend that they lived in nice little homes and cooked nice little dinners for their families. Basically, they would play "house". I would play "ranch". My ranch was large, had all the modern conveniences, and was constantly in the state of growth. Maybe these games set the pattern for my future.

"The ability to sustain... The capacity to endure."

Today, I find myself longing for the time to "play ranch". I had to return to work after my middle child passed away, which left me little time to create the sustainable environment of my dreams. The other night, I was frustrated and pouring out my disappointment in a conversation with my husband. He said something profound!  He said, "You are creating sustainability. You're doing it where you work."

I never thought about that. I am a manager at a wholesale/retail nursery. I love to train and I love to see people walk into their true "giftings".  I work with a group of incredible young and gifted leaders. It's so much fun to see them discover their strengths, work on their short-comings and blossom into the leaders they were born to be. As I work with them, I get to revisit my role as "mother" that I lost when my daughter died. In training them, I accomplish several goals... I get to pay off debt by working; I get to train a team of potential leaders; and I get to create something that will last long after I'm gone. I get to be sustainable.

Sustainability... The ability to sustain, the capacity to endure. What is the theme of your life?

Friday, January 29, 2016

Being Female

Recently, I've been reading Danny Silk's book, "Powerful & Free", Confronting The Glass Ceiling For Women In The Church.  He points out the theology behind women being powerful leaders in all realms of society... even the church.  This is causing me to look back on a few things in my life.

My Dad raised three very strong willed little girls. He taught them to be bold and independent, although I think it always surprises him when we act on the lessons he subliminally taught us. All three of us turned out to be very strong women. I am the oldest. My middle sister leads a women's group in a church and referees in the public sector. I believe no man would ever dare to stand up to her "calls" on the field. She is ferocious and very strong in her convictions. My youngest sister has a quiet strength and has truly become one of my favorite mentors in this area. She knows how to stay connected in confrontation, thus being one of the favorite aunts to all the nieces and nephews. I am so proud to be connected to such powerful women.

My Mom was the one who gave me the foundation for how I'm choosing to walk in all this power. When I was young, I would share with her all my wild ideas and ambitions. She would encourage and walk with me as I tried out each path... cross country running, sewing, leading a drill team, etc. When she was with me, I thought I could do anything! I also watched her closely because I recognized that she had a key to this truth. Here's is what I saw.

When she and my dad had a disagreement, she wouldn't shout and yell back at him. She would just quietly state her point and then let him do all the talking. When they were done, she would go to her quiet place and talk to God about the situation. She would spend all kinds of time quoting God's own word back to Him until she came to a place where she could be comforted and let Holy Spirit work on my dad, Himself. The key was knowing her Daddy and knowing Jesus gave her the freedom to come boldly to His throne and reason with Him.

Since then, I've learned some other things about God and His promises for me as His daughter. He makes sure I have plenty of tools and the ability to pass any test He calls me into. These things are both for my good and the good of those I'm around. He gives me His Spirit of wisdom and gentleness to temper my own personality. My favorite, though, is He gives me favor in the places He asks me to join Him in. This is what favor looks like...

I was the first person promoted to manager when I worked at Mervyn's, in Lompoc. The store manager said I was too socially incorrect to ever be a manager, but God had different plans. I was asked to teach a Bible study called "Experiencing God" to a group of Board Members in a church where women were not allowed to teach men (the Board consisted of men), I have been promoted in places where I was the last hired and I have been able to stay connected to people who would normally become my enemies in such situations. These are not things I could do on my own. I wouldn't even choose to do these things on my own. This is what happens when The God of Creation, my Daddy, calls me to partner with Him in something He wants to accomplish. He raises me up to be Powerful just as He is Powerful. This does not elevate the creation (me), it elevates the creator (Him). I just get to enjoy His glory with Him because I'm his kid, His daughter!

The Joy of Being "Known"

 Yesterday, I received a cheesy gold frame in the mail. It was in an Amazon box, but there was no packing slip or information as to who may ...