Thy Kingdom Come

   Moving from theology to reality is fun, exciting and empowering. It also has many enormous bumps in the road, mostly from huge paradigm trees that fall along the way. I think it's interesting that Holy Spirit gently reveals things in my life, that I somehow grabbed hold of as truth, holds it up to the light of Jesus and His life and lovingly "falls" my trees. For me, the tree usually falls right in my path so that I can then crawl over it as a final act of a new found revelation and strength.  This adventure occurs over and over in my life. One of these trees that fell was the great, "Thy Kingdom Come."

   Today is the one month marker of our sweet daughter, Tiffany, leaving one realm for another. I imagine her spending all her time in Papa God's love, going for walks and dancing with Jesus, but I also imagine there is more... She spent her whole life learning and imparting "unconditional love" to everyone around her. She was a fierce warrior in her battle to live and to continue this kind of ministry. I often wonder what else she learned during those times she and Jesus spent together, traveling in the spirit or just enjoying each other's company, while here on Earth. I would often see her look right past me and giggle at something else that had joined us in the room. I believe she had connected with The Kingdom and wasn't just waiting for heaven to come. After all that training, I wonder how she spends her days now. There must be more to heaven.

   With all that said, what did Jesus mean by his words, "Thy Kingdom Come," or "The Kingdom of God is at hand," or "The Kingdom of God is like...____?"  If He was the walking/talking envelopment of His father's kingdom, and He lives in us, then now how does "Thy Kingdom Come" look?  This is where Christianity takes off and becomes something much more fun and exciting than I once learned in the religious settings I'd grown up in.  This is where Jesus becomes real in my life.

   The encounters I have with Him, and the ones I get to see others have, are pieces of heaven blasting through to Earth as a means of charring off the gunk that has settled on The Bride. She is no longer a wounded body, waiting for her prince to come rescue her from this world's clutches. She is now a warrior, becoming cleaner, stronger with each burst of His encounter. He will return to a beautiful bride and He is placing His kingdom in her right now.

   I'm becoming more intentional about fostering the piece of Kingdom He has placed in me. The piece I carry may look different than the piece you carry. We were meant to be a Body. I need what you carry. what Jesus is growing in you. Together, we become stronger and more beautiful. We are becomimg a Bride worthy of The Lamb, not because of what we do, but because of what He's doing in us. I'm ready to move further into something I saw Tiffany carry everywhere she went. I'm ready to join with others who are ready to do the same. I'm ready to host and lead others into their own personal "blast" from heaven. I'm ready to change the world, just as Tiffany did... just as Jesus did... one loving encounter at a time.

Who Am I, And Who Are You?

   Yesterday, we said good-bye to our youngest as she headed back to Southern California, after having helped us bury our middle child. Suddenly, and finally, we were alone. Now what?!?

   My husband and I have been very intentional, over the past couple of years, learning how to reconnect. We realized that although we lived together for over 30 years, we had become two completely different people. We had been living parallel lives. When we braved gazing further down the road, we realize that our paths would never intersect again unless we changed something. We had to come up with a plan to join again as partners. This wasn't an easy process.

   It didn't take Jeff and I long to discover that we had somehow become polar opposite. We couldn't think of anything we agreed upon or even liked to do together. Was this, indeed, a new discovery, or had we always been this way? Did we ever have anything in common? What caused us to be attracted to and marry each other in the first place? It was hard to even think back over so many years. Harder still to find a resolution. I am happy to say, determination and love, although not just feelings, can be very effective motivators.

   All of that happened several years ago. We eventually found areas where we could venture into each other's territories, places we could sacrifice for the sake of connection. We learned about each other's strengths and fears. We discovered that we didn't need to be identical, to get along, we just needed to appreciate the differences in each other. To value the perspective the other one had. Our favorite analogy was that of a dollar bill. It's one dollar, intended for one purpose, but if you described either side of the bill, it would sound like two entirely different pieces of paper. We are that dollar bill. Two entirely different people, designed to fit together for some purpose. Now to discover our purpose.

   So, yesterday began a new journey for us. We are now completely in Papa God's hands and totally dependent on His provision, direction, and strength. This is a place of total trust. This is where "faith" becomes more than just a cliche used in churches. This is where we discover who we truly are, at the core, and where we learn to cling to the attributes in each other. This is a place every married couple should venture into before they find themselves alone, wondering if they have anything in common anymore. This is marriage.

   Just so you know... Our day ended up being one of the best we'd ever had. We took advantage of this beautiful place we call home, and turned it into a honeymooner's paradise. I can't wait to see what adventures are waiting for us today.

Strange Times

   "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." The historical novel, 'A Tale of Two Cities', by Charles Dickens, eloquently sums up this particular day in my life. 

   Today is my birthday. Yesterday, I buried my daughter and in a couple of days, we'll have a final party to celebrate her life. The best and worst of times all rolled up into one week. I find myself lost in a battle of the mind vs the spirit, here in the wee morning hours. Most of what I did in life (including my vocation) has been wrapped up in one very precious, but demanding, task... to keep Tiffany alive. Today I am expected to celebrate my life. What a daunting task in the midst of everything else going on. 

   Here is the place faith and reality collide. This is that moment when "fear" of the unknown wakes me, in the middle of the night, and probes at all the insecurities I've managed to keep at bay during the day. This is when I decide... Do I believe all that I've preached? Do I truly grasp that I have a Father who not only speaks into me, "identity", but also cares enough to provide for my everyday needs? These are the nights I battle from theology to reality. These are the nights that wear me out.

   Today, I will move forward. Today, hope is all that motivates and drives me toward destiny. Today, I get to choose. Today, I choose life. It's time for my mind to rest. Time for my spirit to take a leading role, to draw me closer... deeper to my Father's embrace. 

   When Tiffany passed away in my arms, I took a moment and held up her little hand and asked Jesus to come take his bride. I have since had visions of her dancing and jumping with Jesus. What a picture of triumph that is. Yesterday, I felt Jesus turn toward me and say, "Come, join us in the dance."

   I sometimes forget that "The Kingdom of God is at hand." That I don't have to wait until I die to experience the joy of playing with Jesus. What a refreshing thought that is. I have a Father who will provide for me and my savior who wants to dance me through the steps. With the comfort Holy Spirit provides, I feel I can move from past to future. The picture is a perfect storm of love, protection and joy. These are the things my spirit can grasp. These are the place my mind resists. This is the battle I continue to fight, but for now... it's early and my body needs rest. Happy birthday, Tam.

Closing Down A Chapter

Our Ladybug

   This blog, and my life, are about to make a huge change. On November 29, 2014, my sweet little Tiffany fought her last battle against the disease that had tried to steal her away so many times before. This time, she didn't lose the battle, but instead... broke through the enemies lines, not only for herself, but for so many others as well.

   I've learned, from Tiffany's 30 years in our family, that a diagnoses can sometimes be a curse. Once someone speaks something over your family, you spend a lot of time either accepting or rejecting the words they uttered.  Words like, "She will never live a normal life"... "She won't live much into her teens"... "Death will be violent and terrible"... "You can't continue to live like this."  In the end, Tiffany not only dispelled, but completely annihilated most of what was said about her.

   Life with Tiffany was unusual. Once we realized that we could function, not only as a family, but also as a ministry team with her, everything became a huge adventure. Tiffany taught us that we had choices. We could "go after" anything we wanted or we could sit around, making excuses as to why life was so hard. Tiffany, herself, was always making the choice to continue on. We've lost count as to how many times she flirted with death and then dropped him in his tracks. She was, indeed, a Super Hero.

   I am a different person for having known Tiffany. I am stronger, bolder, and have learned to love fiercely. I am ready to put on my "big girl panties" and look for "Warrior Required" signs in my life. I have been given the ability to find joy in even the hardest times and to seek out open doors in what once looked like dead ends. I didn't grow up a daughter... she "grew up" me.

   I will always love and miss my little ladybug, but I know that the same heart I birth into her, 30 years ago, beats strongly in me. I will live, and live well, because she taught me how.