A couple of days ago I received three notifications of children who died from MPS (Mucopolysaccaridoses). This was a disease my daughter survived 30 years with. Every death makes me sad, but that's not what this article is about.
Mothers of special needs kids are a breed apart. Fathers who provide relief to those mothers, while holding down full-time jobs, are heroes. Siblings who lose out on attention and are robbed of a normal childhood are stronger than most, but this isn't what this article is about either.
This article is about hope. What do you do when you've lost the most precious thing in your life or have had the rug pulled out from under you. Most people know this feeling to one degree or another. Everyone has faced something scary or sad that seemed bigger than yourself. How do you continue to breathe when you feel like you've been punched in the stomach or the wind has left your sails? How do you motivate yourself to move on? You have to learn how to find hope.
My husband and I have been declared "hope dealers". Hope is that tiny little seed that hides under huge piles of dirt, thrives with a bit of manure and is often watered with tears. It's finding the ability to look beyond the current circumstance. Holding a magnifying glass up to the small pieces of "good" that were in the midst of the tragedy. Not everyone can do this, but anyone can learn how.
A good way to start is with something that isn't so catastrophic. Once you've mastered the ability, you can apply it to anything. It all begins with a person. One who will stay with you, cry with you, hold you, and keep your confidence. For me, this is Jesus. The rest has to do with focus and perspective.
I usually begin my journey to hope with a good cry and sometimes yelling. This not only allows me the chance to get everything off my chest and out in the open, but it also wears me out. At those times, I need to be able to get out of myself and my own feelings. I need to get rid of all that hurt and anger. If I hold back, the process takes longer. Jesus is pretty good about letting me take my time during this part. If I stop, he doesn't panic. He just waits for me to come back to the table and begin again. When everything has been poured out and I'm spent and ragged, His spirit comforts me and then the process of hope can begin.
Having a friend that can see beyond the moment is monumental. Jesus is good about pulling up the all the things I've either overlooked or forgotten while in my pain. He holds those moments tenderly in his hand, dusting off everything I've thrown over it, and holds them up to His radiant light, allowing me to see everything from His perspective... beautiful.
This may seem like a Pollyanna-ish dream, but I guarantee it works. Taking those little pieces of beauty that heaven has dusted off for you to look at is much better than wallowing in the hurt and pain of the boulder that just rolled over you. If you can look at the good long enough, you can change the way you see things... your perspective (this even works with people you're having a hard time with). A changed perspective cultivates a changed attitude. When your attitude changes, so does your direction. Now. instead of circling the drain, you're heading up and out. The sky's the limit, so to speak.
So that's it. That's how to find and encompass hope. Give it a try. Once you get good at it, you can help others to do the same. At that moment, you too have become a "hope dealer".
Beautifully said.
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